“There’s nothing more to say,” Jillian told him. “I’m sorry, but you need to leave now.”
Her eyes were stinging and there was a lump in her throat. She just hoped she could keep from breaking down before he left.
Kalis didn’t refuse to go, but he gave her a long, sorrowful look that made her feel like her heart was breaking, before turning away.
Then, without another word, he walked down the corridor and was gone.
39
Jillian hit the door switch and then slid down the wall, clutching her knees to her chest. She was fighting not to cry…but it was a losing battle.
This is what I get for jumping in too fast—this is what I get for making the same stupid mistake all over again and letting myself get involved with a guy I barely know, she told herself as the hot tears slipped down her cheeks. It’s just like with Brad—I should have waited—should have been more careful!
But Brad had only ruined her finances—Kalis had ruined her heart.
She thought again of what he’d asked her to do and shivered. She couldn’t get near that huge alien beast he turned into again—she just couldn’t. It was a freaking deal-breaker and he ought to know it! He was asking too much—way too much!
Coward, whispered a little voice in her head. You’re such a coward, Jillian!
But she couldn’t seem to help it—the memory of the gigantic, raving Grizzly tearing off Ripper’s heads and roaring in her face just wouldn’t leave her mind. It was like the memory of Bongo attacking Lucy—it was stuck in her mind on repeat—a gory loop of fear and violence that resonated inside her and wouldn’t stop.
After the attack on her cousin, Jillian had been forced to go through years of therapy. Because after that, whenever she saw a dog—or any large predatory animal—she’d have a panic attack.
She remembered having a melt-down at the zoo in front of the tiger exhibit as a child, because her class happened to come during the time the tigers were being fed. Seeing the huge predators rip into the bloody meat had caused a flashback and Jillian had started screaming and crying and couldn’t stop. The teacher had been forced to call her mother to come get her and she had refused to go on any other fieldtrips for ages.
It had taken years before she was able to walk down the street and not run when she saw someone walking their dog—especially a big one. And even years later as an adult, she still repeated to herself mentally, “It’s all right—he’s on a leash. Everything is okay—he’s on a leash. Just be calm…be calm…”
But she couldn’t be calm about what Kalis was asking her to do. There wasn’t a leash big enough to keep that massive bear-thing he became away from her. And he wanted her to get up-close and personal with it? To pet it and stare into its eyes…to get close to its jaws and those steak-knife teeth…
Jillian shivered helplessly and squeezed herself tighter. No. No fucking way. Maybe she ought to be over this fear by now—after all, it had happened over forty-five years ago. But some things stuck with a person. It hadn’t affected her much in her life as a chef in Vegas—only service dogs were allowed in the casinos and they were always leashed. But now that old fear was back in full force and she just couldn’t get over it.
She never should have gotten involved with the big Kindred in the first place, she told herself. What kind of fool was she, letting herself fall for a guy who turned into something that scared her so much she couldn’t breathe? What kind of an idiot does a thing like that?
“The same kind of idiot who gets involved with a con man who double-mortgages her house and ruins her credit,” Jillian whispered to herself. “The kind of woman who’s desperate for a man—no matter what might be wrong with him.”
Well, this time it wasn’t too late. She could see the error of her ways and back out before things got worse. Before he let that massive beast out and it came looking for her…
Jillian shivered and shook her head.
It was a good thing she’d ended everything with the big Kindred before things got any worse…much worse.
40
“What’s going on between you and Kalis?” Suzanne asked, a couple of weeks later, as the two of them were prepping for the next day’s meal service. They were peeling baby kooka fruits for a special dessert that was included in their new menu, and it was a pain.
The fruits were from Rageron and looked a little bit like miniature squashes with long necks and bulbous bodies. They had blue and green spotted rinds with long, feathery blue leaves at the top. The outer rind was tough and fibrous, and it had to be stripped away with a special peeler. But you had to be careful to keep the top leaves intact as you did so, or the pale pink flesh inside would become bitter and sour. With the leaves still rooted firmly at the top, however, the flesh of the kooka was sweet and tangy—something like a pineapple with a cinnamon aftertaste.