“My Ursus would never—” he began.
“Look, I don’t even like big dogs, all right?” Jillian was up off the couch, pacing now, her heart racing as the words tumbled out of her mouth.
“When I was little, my favorite cousin got mauled right in front of me by a dog—an animal that was supposed to be friendly. We’d played with it a hundred times. But this time…it just snapped and went for her!”
She shivered, remembering Lucy’s terrified screams as the huge black dog went for her face and throat. Jillian didn’t even know what breed it had been—only that it had seemed huge to her. Her uncle had got to them and dragged the dog off in time to save his daughter’s life, but poor Lucy had wound up having multiple surgeries to save her eye and try to correct the dreadful facial deformities the scarring caused.
She had never been the same after the attack…and Jillian had never trusted dogs, or really, any big animal afterwards, either. How many times before the attack she had let that dog—Bongo was his name—lick her face and nuzzle her neck while she giggled at his playful ways? What if he had decided to go for her instead of Lucy? You just couldn’t trust an animal that was a predator, she had decided. Because who knew when it might decide you were the prey?
“I’m sorry you had a bad experience with an animal in the past,” Kalis said quietly, breaking into her frantic thoughts. “But my Ursus is more than an animal—he is part of me. And I can’t Claim you and bond you unless you can tame him.”
“Well, then I guess we’ve been wasting each other’s time.” Jillian walked over to the door of her suite and pushed the button to make it slide open. “I think you’d better go now,” she said firmly, though inside, her stomach was twisted in knots and her eyes were already stinging with tears. “I…I don’t think we have anything else to say to each other.”
“Jillian, you don’t mean that!” Kalis rose and went over to her. “Look how much bigger I am than you,” he pointed out, putting his hand at the level of her head—which barely came up past his bicep. “I out-mass you and outweigh you and I’m much stronger than you, sweetheart. But I’ve never hurt you—and I never will. The same is true for my Ursus. Just because he looks big and scary—”
“Please, stop talking.” Jillian shook her head and swiped at her stinging eyes. “Look, I’m not trying to hurt you, but it’s clear to me now that this isn’t going to work. We shouldn’t have started it anyway—it’s a bad idea to sleep with someone you work with.”
“I only came to work at Pat-ar to be near you,” Kalis rumbled. “But I can get another job if you think that’s a bad idea. Only, don’t end what we have.” He cupped her cheek and looked down into her eyes. “Jillian, don’t end us,” he murmured. “I love you.”
It felt like he was tearing her heart out with those tender words, but the fear of that old, terrible memory was strong—a trauma she had never quite recovered from. An unquiet ghost which had been raised from the dead to haunt her.
“You’ll never be satisfied without that all-important bond,” she pointed out, pulling away. “I get that—I know how important that connection is to a Kindred. But I can’t give it to you.”
“You don’t think you can now,” Kalis started. “But maybe in the future—”
“Look—you said it yourself—we’re not getting any younger,” Jillian interrupted him. “I don’t want to waste your time. Maybe…” She cleared her throat, which was suddenly dry. “There are plenty of pretty young girls down on Earth that would be happy to have a Kindred husband. Maybe you’d better just go look for one of them—someone who can give you what you want…what you need.”
“What I need is you,” Kalis protested, trying to cup her cheek again. “I don’t want anyone else—especially not some immature female who hasn’t lived life yet and doesn’t know what she wants. Sweetheart…”
“No.” Jillian avoided his touch and shook her head. “No, I think you’d better go now.” The words felt like poison on her lips, but she couldn’t seem to stop them from coming out. This moment had a feeling of inevitability—this tragedy had to play through to the end. It was as though their relationship had been doomed from the start, she thought. As though it had been destined to fail.
Kalis, for his part, didn’t protest anymore. He didn’t get upset or angry, either. He just gave her a long, level look before nodding and stepping out the door.
“All right. I’m sorry if I frightened you or rushed you. Maybe we can talk more about this later.”