A few days had passed since my conversation with Grace and I’d taken her advice to heart. I really was trying. I’d created a comfortable space, given Lenny her own, and, yeah, occasionally hinted at the idea of babies.
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to insist we watch Knocked Up every night, but it was the best I could do. I was losing my mind acting like I didn’t know. Earlier that night I’d suggested we play poker because if I had to watch Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl fuck one more time, I really would go insane. At the same time, I couldn’t keep ignoring the elephant in her uterus.
So we sat beneath a sky the chilly gray color of twilight, playing poker around a table brushed with sand from the morning’s storm. It wasn’t for money, but for fun. The sunset cast the sea on fire, but it was still peaceful. It was quiet.
Then came Lenny’s scream.
“What the hell is this?”
“Sounds like Lenny is havin’ a good time in the bathroom,” Eli mused. “I call.”
“I’ll go check on her.” I set down my cards, putting the chips on top so the breeze didn’t blow them away. When I stepped through the french doors, the conversation outside drifted in with the wind.
“Is this the only game he has planned?” Zoe asked.
“Be more obvious that you want to play charades.” Grace laughed.
“Well if he doesn’t have any planned…” I
turned down the hallway and their voices faded away.
Over the past week Grace had been my lifeguard. When I felt like I was drowning, she’d pulled me back up. It was helping build a relationship that a broken home had torn down, but at what cost?
Lenny had had morning sickness the past week. She’d played it off as the flu. I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to prove that I could handle it. I had to keep reminding myself that the way to do that was to give her space. Some days that was harder than others, but Grace was there to help.
“Lenny?” I rapped on the bathroom door. “Lenny are you alright?” The door flew open and Lenny shoved something in my face at the same time. “What the hell?” I tried to see what the object was, but she was waving it too quickly.
“Why do you have this?” She exclaimed. I clutched her wrists in my hand, stopping her frantic waving. When she calmed, I pulled her close so I could see the thing she clasped. Imagine my surprise when it was the pregnancy test that had been beating beneath the floorboards all goddamn week.
Now, I stared at her dumbly as the cogs in my brain tried to rework what was happening.
“I’m trying to be really above it all here, Vic.” Lenny exhaled, fingering the knots in her hair. “I know—I do—that there is no way you would cheat on me. So, I have to think that maybe you’re keeping it for Grace or something…” She grimaced. “So then all I have to say is… The toothpaste drawer? Seriously, what the fuck, Vic? I was using toothpaste from there for like a week and it was covered in pee that entire time.”
“That’s why you’re mad?” The disbelief had to have been dripping off my tongue.
“Yeah, dude.” Lenny scoffed. “Pee and toothpaste don’t mix. It’s right up there with orange juice.”
“Are you fucking me right now?” My voice was low, quiet. I kept my eyes trained on the open drawer, trying desperately to reign in my emotions. Frustration churned in my gut. I wanted to punch the mirror just to watch it shatter. I felt like I was being transported back in time. Were we doomed to ride the vicious cycle? Glass would always break, there would always be lies between us, no matter the date on the calendar.
“Wait, are you mad at me?” Indignation was hot on her breath. “You’re the one who put it in the toothpaste drawer! I’ve been brushing my teeth with pee for like a week—”
“It’s your goddamn test!” I roared.
It felt like a deadly weight lifted with the last syllable. The bathroom seemed quieter after, as if my declaration smothered all other noises. Lenny blinked, eyes wide. I hardly even noticed when Lissie, Zoe, Grace, and Eli tumbled one after another into the cramped hallway, too lost was I waiting for Lenny to respond.
“What’s going on guys?” Zoe asked gently.
“Weird place to have a party, but definitely not the worst I’ve been to,” Lissie said.
“Vic?” Grace attempted, placing a hand on my shoulder. I shucked it off. My eyes were still trained on Lenny who hadn’t said a word but instead was looking at me like I’d transformed into an alien.
“Say something!” I demanded.
“What are you talking about?” Her voice was quiet, all sarcasm, laughter, previous edge, gone.
“This.” I held the stick up as I spoke. “Is your fucking test.”
“The one from a week ago?” Lennox reached for the test and took it from my hand. After a few moments she said, “It’s positive?” Was she fucking with me? How on earth did she not know?