I’d never driven a car before.
With Vera’s keys in my palm, my feet lead me to her car. I say my feet lead me because it felt like I wasn’t thinking, just walking like some kinda zombie to the metal hunk by the curb. It looked like freedom and power, and Vera had given me the tools to wield it.
I walked up to the driver’s side and unlocked the car. The click of the lock was deafening to me, as if I’d just unlocked some ancient secret. Slowly I slid inside, feeling the smooth leather against my legs. I gripped the steering wheel, the notches rubbing against my bones.
I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’d only been in a car a handful of times. Ask me to drive one? May as well ask me to pilot a plane.
The buttons looked like the drawings I’d read about in the books about Egyptians that Mama had given me. I imagined they were just as serious, too. One of them was squiggly, another one a triangle, one was just plain crazy looking, and don’t even get me started on the knobs and sticks.
I didn’t plan on driving the thing. I figured the only thing I’d know how to do was stick the key in the ignition, but even that looked daunting. I removed my hands from the steering wheel and rested them in my lap. People took this for granted, definitely. Just then a car zoomed past me, probably going to the grocery store or something mundane.
They were probably upset that they had to do the errands, not realizing the freedom they had at their fingertips. They could go anywhere at anytime because they had the power. I was always relying on other people. I used the bus and trains to get to California, and boy was I grateful those existed. Still, if I’d had a car…
I gave the steering wheel one last feel before exiting. After all, I had places to be and a bus to catch.
When I got off the bus, I made sure to thank the driver. I felt my shirt lift up slightly as it drove away to its next stop. Even though I was still on the street, I remained in place, staring up at my destination. Vic’s place—or rather Vic and Lenny’s place—nestled inside an old-looking apartment building. It was close to the beach, a couple miles down from my and Vera’s apartment. It was also much older. There was something eerie about it, but then that could have just been because it was old.
History often gives buildings that spooky quality; much better to wash it all away and forget it ever happened. Right?
I walked into the building, across shiny, beige marble floors, and pressed the up button on the elevator. It was very cold and shivers formed as I waited. Growing up in Georgia had made me expect over air-conditioned buildings. They overcompensated for the heat outside by making it an icebox on the inside. I expected it, didn’t mean I’d gotten used to it. Still made me shiver and break out in goo
se bumps.
As I stepped into the elevator, I watched the doors close on the lobby. I wondered why it was so cold there; I’d thought it was just a Georgia thing. Then again, I’d only ever been in Georgia. There was so much I didn’t know about the world. Maybe everyone over-ACd their buildings.
I was quickly realizing how small I was. I’d grown up in a tiny town and even there I’d felt minuscule; now I was out in the world and it was as if I could only be seen under a microscope. I was deathly afraid a stranger was going to ask me a question, because chances were I wasn’t going to know the answer.
It wasn’t long before I’d reached Vic and Lenny’s apartment. My mind was so swarmed with worry that my feet had done that zombie thing again and suddenly I was standing in front of the black door. I hadn’t even given myself a pep talk.
I’d come there for a reason. I was going to talk to Vic. I’d been so busy feeling small and insignificant, I hadn’t hashed out what I was going to talk to Vic about. Somehow I didn’t think “Let’s try being family” was going to convince him. I let out a breath, deciding to knock anyway.
Only a few beats passed before the door opened. An internal sigh of relief was released in me when the woman, the one Vic called Lenny, answered the door. I couldn’t handle Vic yet.
She smiled, not even looking surprised. Stepping aside as if to let me in, Lenny spoke. “Hey, Grace. What’s up?”
“I was hoping to talk to Vic,” I said, peering around her nosily.
She nodded. “I’m afraid you’ve just missed him.”
I frowned, feeling dumb. I should have called. That’s what people do. They don’t just stop by unannounced. I should have borrowed Vera’s phone and called. I was like an alien trying to blend in among humans.
“But…” Lenny snaked her head, getting into my line of sight. “I’m about to go to dinner. Want to come?”
“Oh I don’t want to impose on you and your friends.”
“Not imposing. It was just going to be me.” Lenny shut the door, ushering me along the hallway. Again I was reminded of how little I knew, of how small my worldview was. I couldn’t fathom a woman eating alone, yet Lenny acted as if it was nothing.
“Do you have any food allergies?” Lenny asked as we stepped into the elevator.
“No—I mean, I don’t think so,” I stuttered. I hadn’t had much food in my life. The world kept growing around me and I felt like a pinprick. Maybe I did have food allergies; I honestly didn’t know.
“Well,” Lenny said, smiling wickedly. “I think the best way to find out is through trial and error.”
I gulped. I had a feeling my world was about to get a whole lot bigger.
THREE YEARS BEFORE