Twilight had long passed and the moon was high above. Even though we were out in the field, it felt as intimate as a bedroom.
“I’m gonna do it now, you ready?” I felt him even before he asked the question. We were naked on the blanket, with another one on top of us. His warm, muscular body pressed into me and I could feel every ridge of him. Hard and virile, but also soft and yielding. I wasn’t scared though, not with Eli. Never with Eli.
Looking into his big hazel eyes, I saw nothing but love and concern. Nestled in his thick brown arms, I felt the safest I’d ever felt in my life. Contrary to what Daddy always said, I didn’t feel like Eli was about to take something. He wasn’t taking my virginity, he was giving me love. We were about to share something special and secret together. Something that was only ours.
I nodded, smiling big at him.
“I want to hear you say it, Bug.” Eli stared down at me, his hazel eyes serious. “I want there to be no doubts between us.”
“I want to make love to you, Eli Jackson,” I whispered, still feeling a little naughty.
Eli grinned. Full-on, bright white, making me tingle more than I thought possible. He captured my lips in his full ones and I melted into him.
Breath left my body in a rush when he entered me. The feeling was so intense and sudden that I had to separate my lips from him. Mouth agape, I stared at the dark sky, not really seeing anything, just feeling. The stars blurred, Eli blurred, everything moved into one dazzling ball.
“Is it okay?” Eli’s concerned voice broke into my stupor. I focused my eyes back to his, concentrating on the hazel orbs that were half-hidden under cocoa lids.
I was expecting pain. Daddy had told me that sex was the most painful thing a woman could experience. He said that women didn’t like sex and they weren’t designed to, that sex was an awful thing and only for reproduction. Still, I wanted to make love to Eli, because I felt like it was the greatest way to show my love to him. I was willing to endure the pain for Eli.
When Eli asked me if it was okay, I needed a minute. It was more than okay. It was amazing. It was a little painful at first, but when he pushed into me and we became one, it was like everything connected. I knew harmony. I knew peace. And I knew pleasure.
I nodded, in lieu of a response, still trying to grapple with words.
“Bug, what’s wrong? Is it too much?” Eli tried to slide out of me but I grasped his shoulders for dear life.
“You’re amazing.” I finally breathed.
“Yeah?” Eli smiled, leaning down to kiss my throat. “You’re amazing too. You feel amazing. This is amazing.”
It really was.
Afterward I was sore—so sore I wished I could sit on an ice block and never get up. I thought maybe we should have gone a little easier; it was our first time after all. Yet if I could have gone back in time, I wouldn’t have done it any differently. Not a thing.
“What’s wrong?” Eli grasped my arm and pulled me toward him; he must have seen me wince as we climbed into the car.
“Not a thing!” I replied. It wasn’t a lie. Nothing was wrong. Sure my body was sore, but my heart was completely happy. I was so totally content I could die.
Eli frowned, squinting at me with his “I know you’re keeping something from me” eyes. I wiggled in my seat, uncomfortable from the scrutiny.
“Fine,” I sighed. “I’m a little sore.”
“I don’t want you going home tonight, Bug.” Eli frowned, gripping the steering wheel so tight I saw the blood disappear from his hands.
“I don’t either, but I have to. I can’t exactly sleep on the streets.” Though the streets might have been safer than my house, especially after what happened that night.
“Come home with me.” Eli turned to me, eyes pleading. “My mama’s out workin’ tonight. You can sleep in her room if you don’t want to sleep in my bed.”
“What about morning? Daddy’ll know I didn’t come home all night and it will be so much worse.”
A wicked grin spread across Eli’s face. “I reckon your daddy’ll be too drunk to remember you didn’t come home tonight so long as we sneak you in around four. If you go home now you’ll wake him up.”
I blinked in awe. Eli really was a genius.
We drove home the rest of the way in relative silence. Eli caressed my inner palm and I stared out the window, watching the stars move at a slow pace. I reckoned I’d never feel that good again in my life, so might as well savor it.
When we reached town, Eli slowed his car and dimmed the lights. It wasn’t unusual for the sheriff to pull Eli over at night. Even though it wasn’t a crime to be out late, they’d usually pull Eli over anyway, so he did what he could to stay inconspicuous.
We reached Eli’s house without trouble and Eli led me inside. It was dark since no one was home. It wasn’t the first time I’d been to his house, but it was the first time I’d come without adult supervision.