“No! You’ll just be the cause of it.”
“How? How am I the cause of it?” Silence followed Vic’s question. I raised my hand to knock again, hoping that they were finished and I could play grim reaper. Just as I was about to knock, Vic’s violent words came crashing through.
“No, really. Please, tell me how I’m causing you so much distress. I would love to hear this.”
“You’re being such an asshole right now.”
“I’m being an asshole? You’ve been picking fights with me for months and now I come to find out it’s because you’ve stopped taking your meds.” I stared at my feet, seemingly stuck to the carpet. As Vic and Lennox fought with each other, I wished I had more than the wood to protect me.
“That has nothing to do with it!”
“Nothing—”
“No let me finish, goddammit! Let me finish!” Lennox screamed so loud I actually took a step back from the door. “Your sister shows up out of the fucking blue and you go catatonic on me! You stopped talking. You started throwing things at the littlest provocation. You disappeared for a week doing god knows what in god knows what fucking country. I thought you died.”
“I sent you a letter.” For the first time since the horrible fight had begun, Vic’s voice was soft.
Lennox laughed bitterly. “Yeah thanks for that. ‘Dear Lenny, I’m okay, don’t worry.’ The fuck is that? Meanwhile I’m throwing a baby shower for our friends and trying to act like my world isn’t caving in and also trying to befriend your sister, who, by the way, is actually kind of awesome. Not that you would know.”
“I don’t see how that has anything to do with you taking your pills.”
“Of course you don’t. Because the world revolves around Vic Wall.”
“I never said it did, Lennox Moore.”
“You know what? Fuck this and fuck you.”
“Fuck you, Lennox.”
I heard footsteps, but through the wood couldn’t tell which direction they went. Maybe I could knock now, but I couldn’t move. Whatever happened in that house had sandblasted me to the spot. I stood frozen, my hand curled to knock.
The door opened with such force the air caused my hair to move. Eyes red and puffy from crying, Lennox opened her mouth in shock upon seeing me. It took only a moment before she regained her composure and smiled.
“We have to stop meeting like this, darling.”
Lennox and I returned to the restaurant where we’d first gone out. All the pretense of our first dinner was gone, though. Awkwardness had dissipated and in its place was an emotionally drained understanding. Both of us were broken and weary and in desperate need of french fries.
“If you’re not up to this…” I said, alluding to her fight with Vic.
“Look,” Lennox said, head resting on her hand. “You obviously heard everything.”
“Not everything…” But I had heard a great deal more than I would have liked.
“Do you have questions?” I picked at my basket of fries, mulling over her question. I had questions all right. Big, loaded questions that I didn’t feel comfortable asking. Lennox held a smile on her face, but it looked odd in combination with her red, teary eyes.
I shrugged. “Not really.”
Lennox laughed. “Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?” I coughed.
“You don’t have any questions?” Lennox took a bite out of her hamburger, wiping sauce off her cheek with her hand. “You feel like you know everything there is to know about your brother? About me? Us?”
“I feel like I have no right to ask those questions.”
Lennox laughed. “You’re too polite for your own good.” Lennox took another thoughtful bite of her hamburger and washed it down with some whisky. “So tell me, why were you coming to the apartment?”
Well, there’s the question. No way to avoid it now. I watched Lennox, eyes red and drinking whisky like it was water. She was not in a good state. Should I really tell her why I came? I pushed around my french fries, trying to think of a way to get out of it.