“There’s no shame in loving someone, Cora,” she says.
“There is if that love is not reciprocated.” I try to keep my tone casual, but even I can hear the pain in my voice.
“He’ll come to his senses. He loves you. That much I know. I can tell by the way he looks at you and how he lights up when he sees you.”
That’s something else my loved ones like to say. That Thomas lights up when he sees me. I wish that were true. He’s just happy to see a familiar face.
“Yeah.” Luckily, we’ve reached my apartment building, and just seeing it looking so clean and so new makes tears of joy come to my eyes.
“I can’t believe how good it looks.”
“Hard to believe how awful it looked months ago,” Riley adds.
I have my keys, and we start off with the gym. I unlock it, and to my surprise, there’s fresh paint in the gym too, and everywhere is clean. The machines are sparkling clean, which is a pleasant surprise. We’ll have to get them serviced, of course, but after that, we’ll be good to go.
It takes us half an hour, after which we head upstairs to my apartment. While the memories of the night of the fire are always there, they are not terrifying anymore. I’m just glad I made it out.
“How do you feel?” Riley asks as we walk through the front door.
“I’m okay. It smells clean.”
“I’m glad they got a cleaning company to clear up. They did a fantastic job,” Riley says.
“There’s no lingering smell of smoke.”
Even my bed has been made, and it looks as if the beddings have been laundered. We go to the kitchen, and I make us each a cup of tea just as I would have before the fire.
“I have the oddest feeling,” I tell Riley when we sit at the island drinking tea. “Like I’m a guest here. It doesn’t feel like home at all. Isn’t that weird?”
“It’s not weird. I remember living with Leo for a couple of weeks when I had to move out of my mom’s. When I got my own place, I kept thinking of Leo’s place as home. You guys have jelled so well together that you think of his place as home now.”
“I can’t wait to reopen the gym, though,” I tell her. “I can’t tell you how tired I am of being hit on at the bar.”
Riley laughs. “Men actually hit on pregnant women? I haven’t gone out enough, it seems.”
Time flies as we sit and chat. Leo texts Riley to ask her if she’s okay, and that’s our cue to leave.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” Riley says when I drop her back home.
“You’re welcome,” I tell her.
“Depending on what Dr. Philips says, I might be going back to work next week, even if it’s just administrative duties. I’m not cut out to stay home, Cora.”
“You’re not alone. I’m like that too. Working at the bar has saved my sanity.”
We say goodbye, and as I drive home, I sing loudly and out of tune, glad that normalcy will soon return to my life.
Chapter 35
Thomas
I automatically glance up and down as I leave the therapist’s office and then immediately feel foolish. There’s nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. That’s what I’ve been telling myself. But the feeling that I’m a bit of a wimp for being unable to deal with my issues clings to me. I haven’t told anyone including Cora that I’m seeing a therapist. With her, it’s not shame that stops me from sharing, but I don’t want to raise her expectations of me.
I might decide that it’s not for me after a few sessions like I did after Tessa’s death, and I don’t want to disappoint Cora if I do stop going.
I get in my car and head toward home. I should be tired from a full day at work, but I’m not. I feel pumped. There’s something about working in a big hospital that energizes me. In a single day, I’ve performed a c-section, I’ve attended to patients in the hospital’s outpatient clinic, I saw to a bleeding pregnant woman in the emergency room, and I performed circumcisions on two baby boys in the maternity ward.
I park my car next to Cora’s and hurry into the house in a haste to see her. She’s the best part of my day, and it feels like a treat coming home in the evening knowing I’ll be with her.
The scent of dinner meets me as soon as I enter the house, and after dropping my laptop on the foyer table, I head to the kitchen. It’s still a wonder to see Cora with her big belly, even if I see her every day.
“Hey, Dr. Clarkson.” She turns, and I take her in my arms and inhale her scent.