We were doomed from the start. She wanted a baby and had decided on the sperm donor route. Then coincidentally, she came to the clinic, and there I was. We had sex, she got pregnant, and I found myself as a reluctant expectant parent.
Yep, our relationship started off unconventionally. We both wanted different things, and as for now, I don’t even know what I want, but I do know that I don’t want to lose Cora or Taylor.
Chapter 38
Cora
Taylor’s sharp, loud cry pulls me out of a lovely dream where all I’m doing is sleeping for hours. I sit up with a start, and with a groan of protest, I swing my legs over the bed and pad to her crib.
“It’s okay; Mommy is here.” I lift her from the crib, and she quiets as soon as she feels my arms.
That’s the good thing with Taylor. She wakes up crying multiple times a night, but as soon as Thomas or I pick her up, she stops and waits patiently for her milk. I’ve compared notes with Riley and Fran, and their girls are little firecrackers. Nothing quietens them apart from a nipple in their mouths.
Sleep with a newborn is a rare commodity and a luxury. Now I get why new parents walk around looking dazed.
I carry Taylor to the changing station in the corner of our bedroom, just as Thomas gets up.
“I’m okay,” I whisper to him. “Go back to bed; you need your sleep.”
He comes and kisses me on the cheek and proceeds to change Taylor’s diaper. I pass him the wipes and then a fresh diaper. We work smoothly like a factory line, having done this several times every night since Taylor came home two weeks ago.
No matter how many times I tell Thomas not to wake up in the middle of the night when I do, he always does. I feel sorry for him because he has to put in a full day of work while I have the luxury of napping during the day when Taylor does.
I carry Taylor to bed with us and proceed to breastfeed her.
“Call me when you need me,” Thomas says sleepily. He kisses Taylor’s forehead and my cheek and then promptly falls asleep.
The only sounds in the room are the slurping sounds of Taylor suckling. Scenes like these are the ones that make me want to break down and cry at the unfairness of life.
How am I supposed to carry on without Thomas when he’s everything that I could want? He’s the perfect husband and dad. He changes diapers, gives Taylor her bath, and cuddles her to sleep. How can he bear knowing that in a week’s time, his daughter will not be in his home anymore?
I had serious doubts when I was pregnant over whether Thomas really wanted our baby but those disappeared as soon as she was born. I have no doubts whatsoever about his feelings for Taylor. He adores her. He looks at her with so much love that it brings tears to my eyes. Tom, the bartender called me yesterday to check on the baby and me. He made me laugh till I cried when he told me the ridiculous conversation that Thomas and Martin had had at the bar on the evening of Taylor’s birth.
I can’t believe that Tessa messed him up so badly that he would give up on us when we have a chance at being a family. But, as painful as the thought of living without him is, I’d rather leave now than stay without a commitment from Thomas. Taylor might be in college by the time he decides that he does, in fact, want a relationship.
I want to live and love. I may never fall in love again, but I definitely want to give it a try.
***
It’s afternoon, and just as I lay Taylor down for a nap, my mom texts me to tell me to call her when I can. I’m grateful that most of my regular callers text me first, asking me to call them back when I’m free.
I go downstairs and make myself a cup of coffee and settle down with it. I call my mom back, and she picks up on the second ring.
“Hi, honey,” she says.
“Hi, Mom.” Since getting Taylor, my appreciation for my mom has gone up tenfold. She did a good job with all three of us, and whenever I imagine Taylor as an adult, I’m awed by the amount of work that will take.
“How’s Taylor doing?” she says.
“Good, she’s asleep now.”
We talk about the baby some more, and then she tells me the reason for calling.
“Ian proposed,” she says, barely containing her excitement. “And I said yes.”
The news is definitely a surprise. It hasn’t even been a year. It’s on the tip of my tongue to point this out, but at the last minute, I bite it back. She’s not going to change her mind because I pointed that out. Besides, I’m sure that she knows exactly how long it’s been since they started dating. Life is short, and happiness should be grabbed. I like Ian, and I see why she’s drawn to him. He’s stable and dependable, and he makes life fun for her.