Kept Man: Firsts and Forever Stories

“That sounds great. I’m going to try not to fan-boy like crazy, but I really am excited to meet him.”

“Just don’t mention his brother,” I said. “It’s definitely a sore subject.”

“Oh, I can imagine.”

The waitress soon returned with our pancakes—chocolate chip for Ash and blueberry for me. As we ate our breakfast, we chatted about the house and all he and Wesley wanted to do to personalize it. Not surprisingly, the first thing was to paint it lavender.

When we finished the meal, he asked, “Want to come with me to Nana’s house? She wants me to help her with something. I have no idea what it is, but whenever I go over there, it’s always a good time.”

“Count me in.”

We took a walk across town, and when we reached our destination it immediately put a smile on my face, same as always. Nana Dombruso lived in a huge, formerly white Victorian mansion, and at some point she’d had the entire façade painted in a sheer, shimmering rainbow. This was done both to show her support for the LGBTQ+ community, and to troll her homophobic neighbor across the street.

Nana was out front. She’d pushed back the sleeves of her rainbow-striped track suit and was in the process of rubbing something all over the flagpole in her yard. Ash called, “Hi, Nana. What’re you up to?”

The tiny senior was buzzing with anger. “Someone tried to climb my pole and steal my Pride flag!”

“That’s terrible,” Ash said. “Do you know who it was?”

“I sure do! My great-grandson Josh chased him down, and the culprit admitted he’d been paid by my neighbor Humpington across the street. That man is a homophobe and a massive tool. He’s been trying to get the city to make me repaint my house and take down my flag, and now he’s hiring evil henchmen to do his dirty work. I have one of these tamper-proof poles with the cords locked up inside to keep my flag safe, but then he tried to go up after it!”

I said, “Good thing you caught them in the act.”

“We got lucky. I thought I heard something when I was downstairs pouring myself a shot of brandy for medicinal purposes, so I called for backup and we all came running outside. Sure enough, some fucker was halfway up the pole! My husband Ollie turned the hose on him, and when the dickhead jumped off and ran away, Joshie gave chase. They’re at the hardware store right now, buying motion sensor lights. I told them that’s not enough. We need a booby trap!”

We joined her in the yard, and I asked, “Can I help, Mrs. Dombruso?”

“Call me Nana, and you sure can, cutie. Grab one of those and start squirting.” She gestured at a pile of lube bottles on the small lawn.

I grinned and did as she asked. After I dispensed the lube all over the flagpole, I started rubbing it up and down with both hands. Ash called, “That’s it, Jasper, work that pole!” When I glanced over at him, he had his phone out and was filming me. “Lube it up good,” he said, with a huge grin. “Make that pole slick!” I chuckled and kept working.

We ended up climbing up on a chair and slicking as much as we could before the lube ran out. After we went inside and washed up, Ash sent me the video he’d just taken. I chuckled when I watched it, and then I forwarded it to Micah with the message, “Thinking of you.” He sent back five lines of crying-laughing emojis.

Half the counters in Nana’s sunny, yellow and white kitchen were covered with trays of baked goods, and Ash asked, “What’s all this?”

“I’ve been testing out some new recipes. My grandson Dante is going to come by later and take these to the youth shelter,” she said, as she took a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge and put it on the kitchen island. “I used to have a cooking program on cable TV. I miss it, so I decided to start it up again. I found out all the kids today are into that YouTube thingamajig, so that’s where I’m relaunching my show. Joshie and Darwin are helping me. They’re young and hip, so they know what’s what.”

“Sounds like fun,” Ash said. “Is that what you wanted me to help with?”

She brought us three glasses, and we all took a seat around the island as she told him, “I need a theme song for my show, and being a DJ and all, you know a lot about music. Maybe you can think of some food-related songs that could attract the young people. I have some ideas, of course, but I could use your professional opinion.”

While I poured the iced tea, she put on a big, round pair of glasses that made her look like an owl. Then she pulled a huge phone from her pocket and glared at it as she jabbed the screen. After a minute, she announced, “Here’s a good one.”