“I will always do everything I can to take care of you and Mom, Gran,” Jenny replied carefully.
So far, her popular boutique had proven satisfactorily lucrative, and she hoped her new venture in the northeastern part of the state would be as successful. She had ideas for more stores in Conway and Fayetteville, two other Arkansas college towns with demographics that suited her line of youthful, trendy, high-end merchandise. She knew the risks of opening new businesses, but she had prepared herself as thoroughly as possible for this venture. She knew about budgeting, advertising, creating buzz on social media, targeted selection of merchandise. She’d reassured herself often that she would be able to put that training to good use as Thad’s wife, but now she wondered how she could have even considered voluntarily giving up the business she loved.
She wanted to believe she’d have come to her senses eventually on her own. But if Gavin hadn’t been at the cabin that weekend, would she actually have convinced herself that providing security for herself and her family outweighed her personal desires? Would she have allowed herself to be swept into a marriage with Thad that might have proven successful, but never truly fulfilling? A tiny part of her wondered...
“Jenny, is everything okay?” her mother asked quietly as they cleared the table after dessert. “You seem so distracted this evening.”
“I’m sure she’s missing Thad,” Gran answered, complacently certain of her accuracy, as always. “Perfectly understandable, Jenny, but don’t mope. It isn’t becoming.”
Jenny drew a deep breath and held it for a moment before replying, “I’m not moping. Just a little tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You work too hard,” her mother fretted. “Why don’t you sit in here with your grandmother and I’ll clean the kitchen?”
“I’ll help you clean up, Mom,” Jenny countered quickly. “It’s the least I can do after you cooked this delicious meal.”
“I want to watch television, anyway,” Gran proclaimed. “You know I always watch my program at this time every Sunday night. Jenny’s not interested in it, so she can help you.”
Carrying with her the tiny glass of red wine that had been part of her nighttime routine for the past forty years or more, Gran retired to her bedroom with restrained cheek kisses for her daughter and granddaughter. She was the early-to-bed and early-to-rise type, so this was good-night. It was with some relief that Jenny watched her leave the room without any further discussion of Thad. Soon enough she would have to tell her grandmother that there would be no fancy society wedding, but she wasn’t ready to deal with that tonight.
She and her mother talked of inconsequential things during the brief cleanup. Summer trends at the shop. A party her mom’s hospital coworkers had thrown for a retiring administrator. Afterward, they moved out to the patio to sit in gliders, her mom with a cup of hot herbal tea, Jenny with a mug of coffee.
Her mom nodded toward Jenny’s steaming mug and shook her head. “I don’t know how you can drink that this late and still get any sleep.”
“One cup after dinner doesn’t usually affect me.”
“I know. You got that from your father. He could drink strong coffee right up until bedtime and still sleep like a log for a good six or seven hours, the most he ever needed.” She laughed softly at the memory, her expression suddenly looking far away.
Jenny bit her lip and ran a fingertip idly around the rim of her mug. She and her mom never talked about Jenny’s dad when her grandmother was around. Probably because Gran always had something disparaging to say about her late son-in-law.
“Honey, are you sure there’s nothing wrong? You look so unhappy.”
“I’m not unhappy, Mom. I’m just, well, a little distracted.”
Her mom sighed. “It’s Gavin, isn’t it? Ever since you ran into him again, you seem troubled. Mother was livid that he came back into your life even for a brief encounter, but she’s convinced herself since that you haven’t given Gavin another thought. That you are totally committed to Thad. I haven’t been so sure.”
Jenny turned her head to look at her mother. Though she knew her grandmother couldn’t possibly overhear, she spoke quietly when she said, “I’m not going to marry Thad, Mom. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed, but I just can’t go through with it.”
If there was a momentary wistfulness, it was well hidden when her mom said flatly, “You have to make the decision that’s right for you, Jenny. If you don’t love Thad with all your heart, then you shouldn’t marry him. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.”
Jenny could imagine how her grandmother would snort in derision at such a sentimental remark. She would be sure to point out that Jenny was quite fond of Thad and vice versa, and that was a perfectly adequate foundation for a successful marriage.
“As for whether I’m disappointed, you mustn’t even think that, dear,” her mom added warmly. “Nothing you could do would ever disappoint me. You’ve been the best daughter I could ever have imagined, and I am so proud of you. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. I know your father would be proud, too.”
“I hope he would,” Jenny murmured. “I wish I remembered him better. I was so young when he died.”
“We both were. I was too young to be widowed and you too young to be left fatherless. Even in my grief, I was angry for a time that he was so reckless and irresponsible, that he died doing something so wild and foolish. I let Mother poison my mind against him for a few years, and I regret that now. I should have talked about him more to you despite her disapproval, kept him alive for you. Kevin was a good man and I loved him madly. I’ve never been able to feel that same way about any other man.”
Staring somewhat fiercely into her cup, Jenny said, “That’s so sad. That you’ve had to live all these years with the pain of losing him, I mean.”
“Of course I wish he’d been with us longer, but despite whatever my mother says, I don’t regret marrying your father, Jenny. I knew when I fell in love with him that he would never play it safe. He was a charming daredevil, what they now refer to as an adrenaline junkie, but he was also loving and kind and generous. Too generous sometimes. Money meant very little to him. But he had a heart as big as the sky, and he adored us. He even tolerated my mother. He said we should understand that her bitterness was rooted in pain and disappointment. He never failed to kiss her cheek when he parted from her, even when she batted him away. He even teased a smile out of her a few times. She cried when he died, though she tried her best to hide her tears from me, and then she just grew more bitter that another man she’d started to care for had left us too soon and in a financial bind.”
That must have cemented her grandmother’s hard-earned belief that it was better to marry for security than for love, Jenny thought sadly. No wonder Gran hadn’t allowed herself to like Gavin, and that she promoted Thad.
“Have you told Thad yet?” her mother asked gently.
“No. I’m waiting until he gets back. Please don’t tell Gran yet. I’ll deal with her tantrums when it’s all settled.”
“Of course. I’m glad you felt comfortable talking to me.”