Her rather plaintive confession made his chest ache. She sounded confused, a little afraid. Even though that was hardly the reaction he wanted from her, he certainly understood, because he felt much the same way himself.
“Maybe we should just keep taking it a day at a time,” he suggested after clearing his throat. “You know, just…see what happens.”
“That sounds a little risky.”
He forced himself to drop his arms, taking a step backward. Making hard contact with the counter behind him, he swallowed a curse.
Steadying himself quickly, he said, “There’s no need to try to analyze or categorize what happened, is there? I mean, it was a kiss. It’s understandable, considering the circumstances.”
“Considering the circumstances?” she repeated, as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. Whatever heat had been in her voice before was cooling as rapidly as the room around them.
He was making a real mess of this. Again. “Mia, I—”
Pushing a hand through his hair, he thought about getting the lantern before he continued. But maybe this would be easier in the dark. “I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to push you into anything. We live together and we have a normal, healthy attraction to each other. We can deal with that, right? There’s no need for anything to change significantly, for either of us.”
He was trying to reassure her. Trying to let her know there was no need to be concerned that he wanted to tie her down. In his experience, women didn’t like to feel tied down.
So why was he feeling waves of irritation coming from her direction? He still couldn’t see her expression, but he had the distinct impression that she was scowling.
He really was bad at this sort of thing, he thought in self-disgust. “Mia—”
“Mia? Where are you? Why aren’t the lights on?”
“I’m in here, Alexis,” she called out, her voice steady and reassuring now. “The power’s out. Stay where you are and your dad and I will find some flashlights and candles, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Why don’t you get that lantern you were talking about,” Mia suggested to Connor. “I’m getting really tired of stumbling around in the dark.”
Wincing, he wished he spoke female a little more fluently. There was obviously a message conveyed in that sentiment—but damned if he knew what it was.
A few short hours later, Connor stood in the doorway of the living room, having just returned from a flashlight-guided trek to his bedroom to fetch another blanket.
He was struck motionless by the sight that lay in front of him. He’d pulled out an old air mattress he had used as a bed in the apartment he’d lived in briefly after his divorce. He’d inflated it and set it in front of the fireplace for Mia and Alexis to share. He planned to take the couch for the night, at least until the power came back on to heat the rest of the house again.
Mia and Alexis snuggled together on the air mattress, their heads close together on their pillows, blankets pulled to their chins against the chill in the room that the small fire couldn’t entirely dispel. To save the batteries in the electric lanterns, they’d turned them off, leaving the room illuminated by the fire and by a few emergency candles in heavy, safe jars. As the soft light flickered across their faces, Mia and Alexis talked in quiet voices, both laughing at something silly they were saying.
He had the sensation of something sharp stabbing him right through the chest. Directly into the vicinity of his heart.
He loved her, he thought in a daze. He didn’t even bother to clarify which one he meant. He loved them both.
His fingers tightened spasmodically on the blanket as a ripple of fear followed the bolt of realization.
He had never been lucky in love. The women he’d loved in the past had all left him. His mother, through no choice of her own, of course. Brandy and Gretchen, fully of their own volition.
Now there was Mia, who had come to him in generosity and sympathy, putting her own plans on hold, but not forgotten. How long could he really expect her to stay? It wasn’t as if he had much to offer her in return for the foreseeable future.
“Why are you just standing there, Daddy?” Alexis asked, drowsily teasing. “Aren’t you going to sleep on the couch?”
Daddy. It still sounded funny to him when she called him that. She was getting more comfortable with him, though he had no doubt that her heart belonged primarily to Mia. Certainly understandable—but how would she cope when Mia moved on? How would he make up for that loss, when he could hardly bear to think about that time, himself? Why hadn’t he anticipated this complication when he’d blithely accepted Mia’s offer of help?
Pushing the anxiety to the back of his mind, he moved forward, trying to speak normally. “Yeah. I was taking a look around. Checking stuff,” he added vaguely, tossing the blanket on the couch.
“You know, I’m not really sleepy right now,” he said, aiming the flashlight toward the kitchen. “I think I’ll study by lantern light for a little longer, if it won’t bother either of you.”
“You won’t bother us,” Mia assured him, her expression shuttered in the flickering shadows. “Alexis and I are going to tell each other stories until we fall asleep. But we’ll keep it down, so we don’t disturb your studying.”
“No need for that.” He moved carefully across the room toward the kitchen.