Oh God. My heart betrayed me. I turned my head, burying my face against his shoulder. I’m falling in love with you. It was completely ridiculous, but true.
I was afraid, very afraid. Instead of thinking or talking, I tilted my head back, pressing my lips to his. He returned the kiss, his mouth a brief caress. Then he held me close, tucking my head under his chin in a comfortable embrace. I closed my eyes, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
We stood, wrapped around one another. Unexpected happiness pumped through me, turning me soft and pliable in his embrace.
“You didn’t answer the first question,” he said softly into my hair.
“Oh?” I stiffened a bit in his arms.
“What did I do that scared you?”
He was being so open with me. I had to try. I looked up at him as I said, “You didn’t do anything. It was the way you looked at me. The way you look at me.” I swallowed before I explained. “I’m scared I’ll do something to make that look go away. And something else will take its place: pain, regret, resentment, distrust, anger.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, Claire. Ever. None of those emotions exist here for us,” he reassured me, his voice firm. His eyes were molten, full of warmth. He was warm, and gentle.
My hand pushed his hair from his forehead, then came to rest on his cheek.
“You know why I look at you the way I do?” His voice was hesitant and I swallowed, my heart pounding fiercely.
Suddenly Shannon’s answering machine was talking. My mother’s voice spilled into the room. “I didn’t get you on your cell, so I thought I’d try the house number.”
Josh’s hold loosened. I had no idea where the phone was, as usual.
She continued. “I love you, Claire, so very much. My literary side is truly impressed. You are a gifted writer. Shannon is right about the book. It could be a fantastic liberator for many battered women. However, I’m still pissed at the way she handled this.”
Josh nodded, his jaw locked.
She sighed then continued. “As a mother, I just want to make it all better. If you want to do this, do it. Publish it. Together we can deal with whatever backlash might follow. You’re not alone, remember that, okay? I’ll support whatever choice you make. Call me tomorrow. Love you, sweetie. Bye.”
Josh looked at me with a smile on his face then disappeared into the kitchen. He returned with a glass of water and some pain reliever.
“Can’t I just drink some more? We could dance?” I took the pills and a long drink of water.
“We can dance.” He reached over and clicked the computer a few times. The soothing voice of Nora Jones’ “Come Away with Me” filled the room and he pulled me into his arms.
***
I opened my eyes cautiously. The brilliant California sunshine was spilling into my room. There was a high probability that my head might protest. My hand came to rest on my forehead. It wasn’t painful, but I felt heavy all over. I heard a soft snore and turned. Josh was sound asleep beside me on the bed.
I smiled happily. The previous evening slowly returned to me, providing vague recollections of dinner, clubbing with Shannon, and meeting Arthur. Sweet, sweet Arthur. He was a keeper.
Things got a little sketchy then. I pieced bits of coherent memories together. There was drinking, lots of drinking. Lots and lots of drinking.
I’d danced wildly at a club. Josh had appeared. He’d driven me home. I felt my cheeks grow hot as I realized what an active car trip it had been. Well, maybe I’d given him some exceedingly good memories in his front seat. My smile grew. I loved the way he’d trembled from my touch.
He’d stayed, to take care of me. I remembered that…and our conversation.
When the song had ended, he’d spoken softly. “We need to get you to bed if you’re going to be up before noon.”
I had nodded drowsily against his chest. “Staying?”
“I’ll take that as an invitation.” He’d taken my hand, clicked off the light and the computer, and led me to the bed. He’d pulled the blankets back and patted the bed for me to sit.
I’d smiled, cocking an inviting eyebrow at him, and began to untie the sash of my robe. He grabbed my hands and kissed me gently.
“Sleep. We’re going to sleep.” He shook his head. “Don’t tempt me.”
I slipped between the sheets, watching as he stripped down to his black boxer briefs and climbed into bed.