Up in Smoke (Hotshots 4)

Why not here? It was an impossible wish, but for a second, he could see an alternate universe, three shimmery and hazy shadows, hands linked. But it wasn’t like Brandt was asking him to stay. Wasn’t like they were a real couple, a genuine little family and not an amicable arrangement born out of crisis and practicality.

“What’s that look for?” Still holding Jewel, Brandt turned toward him.

Oops. Busted. Shane tried to school his expression away from all his churning emotions. “Nothing. Just had a few lines for a song pop up in my brain.”

“Damn.” Brandt whistled like Shane too had performed some new feat. “I love how you can do that.”

“It’s just how my brain works.” His heart trilled as Brandt continued to smile at him.

“Play for me later?”

“Maybe.” Worry made his voice more distant. Brandt had seen him sing, sure, but he hadn’t heard any of the new stuff yet. Shane wasn’t sure he was ready for what his latest songs might reveal. But he also didn’t want to ruin this moment by shutting Brandt down, so instead he pointed at the baby. “Hey, you should record her trick.”

“Good idea.” Setting Jewel back on the bed, Brandt fished out his phone from his pocket, then frowned. “I’ve got a message from work.”

“Callout?” Shane started stacking their plates, mentally bracing himself for Brandt’s departure.

“Not exactly.” Brandt’s mouth twisted. “They need volunteers for a demo next week for a school-age kids’ group. Some sort of exploration club.”

“Sounds more fun than a fire.” Safer too. Shane didn’t like the way his heart had sped up at the thought of Brandt rushing off to danger.

“Yeah, bosses knew I wouldn’t turn this one down.” Brandt tapped away on his phone before looking up again. “Hey. You want to come?”

“Me?”

“Sure.” Brandt managed to sound like this was no big deal, like it was adding an errand to Shane’s day, not offering for him to meet Brandt’s friends and coworkers. “The message thread says that some of the guys will have families there. Rare chance for their kids to see them in action. Cameron will probably be there with her and Rich’s kids.”

Family. He wanted to be that for Brandt with an intensity that stole some of his oxygen. And no way could he let on to Brandt how much the offer meant. “Guess I’ll see how the diva is that day, if it’s not too close to one of her naps.”

“Dude. When did our lives start revolving around naptime?” Groaning, Brandt flopped back against the pillows.

Shane seized the change in subject like a life buoy, putting on his best attempt at a flirty smile. “I dunno but I’ve got some ideas for today’s nap...”

“Save that thought.” Brandt laughed and sat back up. “First some painting, but then I’ve got plans.”

“You do have good plans. Last night was...” He trailed off, not sure he had an adjective good enough for those memories. Hell, he could write a whole album of songs and it wouldn’t be enough.

“Yeah, me too.” Brandt’s happy sigh filled in the blanks and also went a fair way to reassuring Shane that he hadn’t done terrible. But then Brandt’s expression turned strangely vulnerable, almost like he was having some of the same doubts. “You okay? I mean as far as first times go...”

“Fishing for compliments again? Need me to tell you that I saw Jesus?” Shane teased him because the alternative was to get all sappy, and neither of them needed that. And Brandt wasn’t the type to ordinarily seek extra ego stroking. Unless... “Or you worried I’m about to get a tattoo of your name?”

Maybe Brandt was afraid of Shane getting sex-drunk and getting too attached. And no way was Shane admitting that that was a real possibility here. For all he was turning out to be a great dad, Brandt was still the guy who was allergic to commitment and wasn’t likely to find Shane catching feelings that funny.

Or maybe Shane was wrong there, because all Brandt did was laugh. “Apparently my name is pretty popular. I picked good. It’d look damn nice as a tattoo.”

“Ha.” Shane forced a chuckle and shook his head to clear away the parade of tattoo possibilities, Brandt’s name in a heart, all middle school crush style. “You barely got me to jump out of a plane. Needles aren’t happening.”

“Never say never.” Brandt gave a pragmatic shrug before picking the baby up.

“Truth.”

It was. He couldn’t say never, just like he couldn’t seem to shut off this rogue streak of hope running through him, the little voices whispering maybe and someday and why not.

* * *

“I hear your girl is coming today.” Hartman’s tone was conversational, but Brandt still whipped around, glad it was only them walking toward the hangar.

“Girl?” Brandt didn’t have one of those. Wasn’t remotely interested in getting anyone significant of any gender or even dating. Not when things were so damn good with Shane. The whole last week had been one big high. He couldn’t even remember when Shane had last slept in his own bed, and no way could Brandt miss going out when staying in meant memories that filled cracks he hadn’t even been aware he had.