Strong Enough

“Good thing you were home when Ellen called you, Derek.” Carolyn squeezed my hand. “Now I’m glad I didn’t keep you out too late.”

“I figured he’d be home, since he goes to the gym so early Saturday mornings.” Ellen’s eyes glittered with mischief. “And we all know Derek does not miss a Saturday morning at the gym.”

“Heaven forbid he get off schedule.” Lanie clutched her heart.

“Or leave the garage door open,” added Gage.

“Or dishes in the sink.” Ellen loved this game.

“Or eat in his car.”

“Or wear shoes in the house.”

“Or let dust bunnies form under the beds.”

“Enough,” I muttered, feeling my neck get hot under my collar.

“You really lucked out, Maxim. Hotel Derek is nicer, cleaner, and has better food than any place in L.A,” Lanie said.

“All true. But it wasn’t luck,” Ellen insisted, her expression smug.

“I believe it was more than luck, too.” Maxim met my eyes, and I saw it—the wanting. I saw it. Something in me splintered. “I believe some things are meant to be.”

Fuck.

I kept drinking. With every swallow, I tried to numb the feelings that not only refused to stay buried but insisted on growing as the night wore on. It was as if seeing the desire in his eyes had unlocked the prison where I’d kept mine. I stole furtive looks at him, noticing small details I’d missed before—the length of his fingers, the fullness of his mouth, the veins on the backs of his hands. They reminded me of the veins I’d seen on his abdomen last night, the ones that snaked beneath the waistband of his pants.

I wanted to trace them with my tongue.

Somehow I got through coffee—mine was spiked—and dessert, although I didn’t touch the chocolate cake Carolyn had brought. I had no appetite for anything but him.

Gage and Lanie left first, saying they had to get their sitter home by eleven. I hugged Lanie and shook Gage’s hand, promising to see him later this week for a beer. Ellen helped Maxim bring all the dishes into the kitchen before she left, hugging all three of us and telling Maxim she’d call tomorrow about working at the bar.

“That would be amazing,” he said. “I’ll do whatever you need. Can I walk you to your car?”

“Sure. Bye, you guys!” She blew me a kiss and swept out of the room with Maxim on her heels.

I finished loading the dishwasher while Carolyn blew out all the candles and collected the linens. “Can I help you do the rest by hand?” she asked, pushing up her sleeves.

“No. You’ve done enough. I’m too tired to do them tonight, anyway. I’ll do them tomorrow.” It was a lie, I’d never go to sleep with the sink full of dirty dishes, but I couldn’t take any more pretending tonight. I was half drunk, totally frustrated, seriously angry, and I wanted to be alone so I could hate myself in peace. (And probably jerk off while I did it.)

“Are you sure?” She bit her lip, clearly disappointed. “I really don’t mind staying.” Slipping her hands around my waist, she rose up on tiptoe to whisper in my ear. “I don’t have to be home by eleven. Or anytime tonight at all.”

I laughed uncomfortably and disengaged her arms. “I’m sorry. I’m just really tired.”

“Oh.” Her face fell, and I felt horrible.

You’re such a fuck-up. This is the second night in a row you have to make excuses for yourself. She’s not going to wait around forever, asshole. She deserves better.

“Can I walk you to your car?” I asked.

She nodded. “Okay. Let me grab my purse.”

Maxim came in the front door as we were going out. “I’m walking Carolyn to her car,” I said, avoiding eye contact with him.

He nodded and held out his hand. “It was so nice to meet you, Carolyn.”

“Same.” She shook his hand and smiled brightly. “I hope to see you again.”