She giggled. “You’re worried about me. I like it. And look where we are.”
I looked around. “The bathroom?”
More laughter. “Yes. I want a do-over.”
It hit me right as she spoke what she was doing.
“I think I love you, Quinn.”
Oh, Jesus. “Jaime.”
“I want you back.”
“Back where?”
“With me. In my bed.”
“Why?”
“Because I miss you there.”
I stared down at her, searching her face for the truth, for some evidence that she knew what she was saying to me, for some sign of change in her.
I didn’t see any of it.
“No.” It was hard keeping my hands to myself the way she was hanging on me, but I did, one clenched around a beer bottle, one fisted at my side.
“What?” She blinked.
“Why are you doing this, Jaime?”
“I told you,” she said, one hand sliding down the front of my jeans, the other snaking around my waist. “I want you. I want back what we had.”
“Why did you throw it away? Be honest this time.”
She lifted her shoulders, her focus on my chest. “I was just being silly.”
&nbs
p; I set my beer down and gently pushed her away, holding her forearms out in front of me, forcing her to look me in the eye. “Answer the question, Jaime. I deserve the truth from you.”
“You know why.”
“Say it.”
“Because I was scared, OK?” She stepped back, knotting her fingers at her waist. “I’m scared of the way I feel. I’m scared that when things fall apart, I will too. And they always fall apart, Quinn.”
“Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re not scared it will fall apart. You’re scared it won’t.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice shook.
“You hide behind this ‘love is just a fairy tale used to sell lipstick’ wall so you don’t have to make yourself vulnerable to another person. So you don’t have to trust someone and let him trust you. So you don’t have to fucking commit to someone and be willing to say I’m sorry or I forgive you or help me or I need you. So you don’t have to be humbled by a feeling so fucking strong it changes your life. Well, I want that. I want to trust you. I want to need you. I want to be humbled by love, because it makes me feel alive and part of something good.”
“What we had was good! Why can’t we go back to it?”