I shook my head. “Because I changed my mind. I’m in love with you, but I want more. I want a commitment from you, a future with you, not just a fling. I want to hear you say you believe it’s possible.”
“That is what I’m saying, isn’t it?” she asked, but I heard the doubt in her voice.
“No, what you’re saying is that you want me back in your bed, because the sex is fun and you miss what we had, but it’s just temporary because these feelings won’t last.”
“But I said I love you! Isn’t that enough?”
“Those are pretty words, Jaime, but right now it sounds to me like you’re using them as a means to an end. That isn’t love.”
“You think I’m lying to you?”
“No. I think you’re lying to yourself. I think you want more too, and you’re scared to take it.”
She went silent, her shoulders slumping.
“You’re right about serious relationships not being all hearts and flowers and orgasms, Jaime. That’s falling in love. Over time, it’s not that anymore. It takes work. It takes trust and sacrifice and faith in something you can’t see. It means sticking the fuck around when you’re scared or tempted or angry. It’s knowing that someone has your back and will be there at the end of your best days and your worst. It’s understanding that you’re part of something bigger than yourself, and fighting for it. I know it’s rare.” I softened my voice. “But that’s what I’m looking for. And life is short.”
She started to cry. “I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable without you, but I don’t think I’m capable of being what you want.”
You are. You just refuse to see it.
My chest hurt, and my gut was in knots. I wanted to hold her so badly, but I couldn’t give in, and I wasn’t going to argue with her. “If that’s the truth, then let me go.”
After a long pause, she stepped aside. I opened the door and shouldered by her without looking back.
I went right to Alex. “Listen, I have to go, but don’t let your sister drive home tonight. Get her a ride or keep her here. She’s been drinking a lot.”
“OK.” He looked concerned. “Everything alright?”
“I don’t know.” The truth was, I felt like fucking overturning the coffee table, maybe throwing it through the front windows.
“Let’s hang out this week, OK? I’ll make sure Jaime gets home safely or stays over.”
“Sounds good.” I shook his hand and he pulled me in for a hug. “Thanks.”
I let myself out and walked to my car with long, angry strides. What the fuck was I supposed to do with her? I think I love you? Did she really think I was just looking for the words? It wasn’t that hearing them from her hadn’t made me happy—it had.
But it wasn’t enough.
Twenty-Eight
JAIME
My eyelids felt like stubborn garage doors, but I managed to get them open after a few tries.
Oh, God.
The room wasn’t bright, but even the small amount of sun creeping through the blinds stabbed my retinas like a thousand daggers. My head was…not good.
Slowly, I sat up and looked around. Someone had put me in a guest room at Alex and Nolan’s house, or I’d put myself in here—I couldn’t remember. I was still wearing my dress, and my heels were on the floor.
Somehow I managed to hobble over to them, lean down, and pick them up, but the room was not cooperating. The floor pitched at strange angles and the walls appeared to be circling me.
I made it to the bathroom, where I thought I might throw up, but I didn’t. Then I thought about flushing myself down the toilet, but since that wasn’t an option, I used the bathroom, washed my hands, and splashed cold water on my face
Then I looked in the mirror.
MISTAKE.