Being Sawyer Knight (Souls of the Knight 1)

“Okay, I’ll call you this afternoon,” I said to my mum, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “And, Lils, I’ll put the guys on the phone when I ring.”

“Eeeeeek! I’m so excited!”

“Wait,” Mum called when I reached the door. “He’s not a vegetarian is he? I know a lot of these celebrities are into stupid fad diets.”

“No, Mum. He eats pretty much anything,” I assured her. “Just stick some steaks on the grill. No need to go to too much trouble.”

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you later.”

Closing the door behind me, I smiled up at the crystal blue sky. Tonight Sawyer would be with me and my family, and I would be free to just love him, out in the open surrounded by people who wouldn’t judge us.

“Fuck am I glad to be outta there,” Sawyer said as he slipped in the passenger seat of my rented car. We were setting off to my parents for dinner. Matt and Gavin had been making plans to go out tonight, which naturally involved lots of talk about tits and pussy. Originally, our plan was to keep the guys as hidden as we could, but when we landed at Sydney airport we were met with a mob of press. I always knew the chance of getting them here unnoticed was slim, but still we all worked hard on keeping it all clandestine. So now we’re here, there really is no point in stopping them going out and enjoying themselves.

“Um, Sawyer?” We were driving over Sydney Harbour Bridge and Sawyer was admiring the scenery from his window. When I said his name, my voice nervous and uneven, he turned to look at me. “I told my mum about us.”

“You did what?” He looked surprised, but not angry. I could work with surprised. “Why’d you do that?”

“Because she’s my mum. Because she knew something was wrong with me. Because I love you and I’ve been so desperate to share that with someone.”

“And why are you only telling me this now? When we’re on our way to see them!”

“Because I knew you’d either worry about it all afternoon or make up an excuse so you didn’t have to come. But my family isn’t like yours, Sawyer. I want us to go in there and just be ourselves. The fact you’re a guy doesn’t mean shit to them. It’ll be no different than if I were bringing a girl home. They accepted me from the start, and they’ll accept you too. You don’t need to pretend for them.”

“So this is like a real meet the parents situation. Fuck, you know how to make me nervous.”

“Sawyer, you’ve met my parents hundreds of times before.”

“That was before I was fucking their son. Or before the whole world knew who I was. What if they hate me? I’m damn sure I wouldn’t want my kid dating someone who had a new scandal in the papers every other week.”

“They’re not the type to believe everything they read in the press. Besides, no story lasts more than a week. Look at all those guys coming out saying they’d slept with you. That’s all disappeared and we didn’t even have to do anything.”

If those stories would’ve continued, we had the paperwork in place ready to sue them for slander. But as I suspected, it all blew over in a couple of days.

Sawyer was quiet for the rest of the drive. Occasionally I would pull my eyes from the road just long enough to glance at him, and more often than not he was fiddling with the same strand of loose thread on his jeans. The man sitting next to me could dominate an entire arena filled with thousands of people, yet here he was, squirming in his seat from sheer nerves. I’ve come to learn though that the Sawyer on stage is an act, a persona. The real Sawyer is quite timid. He’s shy, romantic, and terrified of exposing his true self to the world. I feel proud and privileged to know the man behind the fame, to hold him in my arms, to kiss him and make love to him.

“Here we are,” I announced, cutting the engine after parking next to my father’s car.

“Wow,” he breathed, clicking off his seatbelt. “Seeing this place… it makes me feel so many regrets.”

“Why?” I asked, confusion making my voice a notch higher.

“I should’ve been a part of this,” he started to explain, gesturing around him with his hands. “You were my best friend. I should’ve been coming out here during the holidays. We would’ve hung out, played music, talked about random shit. I screwed it up.”

“Everything happens for a reason, Sawyer. You weren’t ready to accept who you were back then, and to be honest, I’m not sure how long I could’ve carried on pretending I was happy just being your friend. I think we would’ve eventually clashed either way. Now is our time, and I really believe it was always meant to be this way.”

“Oh my God!” We both turned at the sound of Lily’s voice. I was starting to wonder if she’d taken something – she’d been high as a kite all day over speaking to the guys on the phone earlier. “Wow,” she sighed, eyeing Sawyer up and down. “You’re even hotter in real life.”

“Hey, Lils, I think you’ve got a bit of drool there,” I teased, dabbing the corner of her mouth with my finger.

“Stuff off, Jake. Can I touch your hair?” she asked Sawyer.

“His hair?”

“I want to see if that bit of fringe that always falls across his eyes is as soft as it looks in the magazines.”

“Um, sure you can,” Sawyer agreed, bending down a little. I rolled my eyes, laughing in amusement as Lily fingered my lover’s hair.

“God my brother is so lucky.” Sawyer noticeably tensed at my sister’s statement. His back straightened and he tugged down his tight-fitting white t-shirt, clearing his throat. “Don’t worry. I’ve been sworn to secrecy. Though you really shouldn’t worry, you know. Your fans adore you. They won’t care. Trust me.”