Being Sawyer Knight (Souls of the Knight 1)

I was so proud of Lily in that moment. Her words instantly brought a smile to Sawyer’s face, erasing the lines of worry that had been etched onto his face since I told him my family knew about us.

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s head inside.”

Chapter Fifteen

As soon as we were in the hallway with the door closed behind us and out of public view, Jake took hold of my hand. I looked up at him apprehensively, but after he gave me an encouraging nod my fingers tightened around his. He led me out into the back garden where his dad was busy prodding the coals on the barbecue.

“Jake,” his dad said, putting his tongs down as he approached us. “How are you, son?” He gave him a one armed hug, patting his back.

“I’m great. Dad, this is Sawyer.”

“I know who he is, Jake,” his dad said, tutting at him. “Good to see you again, buddy,” he added, offering a hand for me to shake.

“You too, Mr Reed.”

“Please, call me Martin.”

“Oh you’re here!” Jake’s mum, Emma, said, walking through the patio doors carrying a crate of beer. “I didn’t hear you arrive.”

“Hey, Emma,” I said warmly, taking the cans from her. I was comfortable calling her by her first name. I always did when we were kids. She was like the mother I always secretly wanted. When I’d lowered the beers onto the garden table I brought her in for a hug. “It’s been way too long.”

“Aw, sweetheart. You’re exactly the same boy I used to know.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t be?” I asked curiously, releasing her from my arms.

“Honestly? Yes. You’re a completely different person on TV. I suppose I assumed fame as great as yours was bound to change someone.”

“A lot of it’s an act,” I admitted. “You give the fans what you know they want. No one out there gives a shit about the real you. It’s a very fickle industry.”

“And you’re okay with that? Doesn’t sound like much fun.”

“I do it for the music,” I shrugged. “Sometimes it’s been the only thing to keep me going.”

Wow. Did I really just say that out loud? Talk about bringing the mood down.

“I can’t help finding that really sad,” she said, her face melting into a frown.

“I can’t complain. I’ve experienced so many amazing things in my life. Sure, the industry has its drawbacks, but I’m still a very lucky man.”

When I said that, Jake snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me a little closer to him. My instinctive reaction was to pull away and scowl at him, but I fought it. I took a deep breath, remembered how much I loved him and how much everyone here loved him too, and I relaxed into his hold. He smiled up at me proudly, and I even caught Emma smiling subtly as she turned towards the cans of beer. She plucked two from the tray, handing one to me and then one to Jake.

“Can I get one of those too?” Lily asked, biting her lip in anticipation of her mum’s answer.

“You can have half,” she said firmly. Lily grinned, taking a can from Emma and then pouring half into one of the tall glasses laid out on the table.

I was nervous as hell when I first walked into their house, but after just half an hour of being with these wonderful people I was completely at ease. We talked about the past, memories from our childhood, we discussed my career – most of which left Lily’s mouth wide open in awe – and I even found myself touching and smiling at Jake without a second thought. It was little things like resting my hand on his knee while we talked, bumping my shoulder with his while we laughed, and when he offered me a forkful of his steak that had a different marinade than mine, I didn’t hesitate to taste it as he popped it in my mouth, grinning at me like he…well like he loved me.

After finishing up the barbecue we all headed inside. We spent the evening pretty much the same way – chatting, laughing, swapping stories. After a few hours Emma excused herself to go and clean up the dishes left over from dinner. Giving Jake’s knee a tender squeeze, I followed his mum out into the kitchen.

“You wash, I’ll dry,” I offered, taking the tea-towel off the counter.

“Don’t be silly, Sawyer. You’re our guest.”

“Don’t give me that, Emma. You didn’t used to mind when we were kids. In fact, I think I remember you threatening to confiscate Jake’s Nintendo once if we didn’t help.”

She laughed at the memory and then handed me the first clean plate. I dried it off with the towel, placed it on the counter and held my hand out for the next one.

“Sawyer,” she said my name with such seriousness and concern in her sweet voice that I knew exactly what was coming. “I need to know, do you love my boy?”

I drew in a deep breath, feeling caught off guard. This wasn’t the kind of thing I’d ever discussed with anyone but Jake and naturally my heart sped up with nerves.

“Yes,” I replied with certainty. “I promise you, Emma, he means the world to me. When I’m with him, I’m so happy. I can be myself. He’s changed me irrevocably. He makes me want to be better. He makes me believe I can be better.”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt. I hope you understand where I’m coming from.”

“I would never hurt him.”

“You already are.” Her words winded me as if she’d just punched me in the gut. I raised my eyebrows, astounded. I’d hurt him? How? “Jake is a romantic man by nature. He wants to love you, Sawyer. He wants to take you out, wine and dine you, steal kisses from you in the middle of the day. Will you ever be ready to give that to him?”

“I want to so badly. Believe me I do.”

“But you can’t?”

“No. Not right now,” I admitted and I felt like the asshole I really was. She was right. I’m stringing Jake along. I’ve told him I will come out, tell the world about us… but right now, I don’t have any intention of doing that. I just…can’t.