Better Than People (Garnet Run 1)

Relief and desperation warred in his chest and he dragged Simon inside, suddenly worried he might bolt again.

“I was just coming to get you.”

Simon dropped into a crouch to greet the animals who swamped him, scratching ears, kissing heads, and attempting to untangle his scarf from Pickles’ grasp.

“Did your grandma tell you I came by?”

Simon nodded and stood. “You made snickerdoodles.”

“Yeah. Though if I never see another cookie it’ll be too soon. I kinda ate them all.”

They stood facing each other, awkwardly staring. Jack reached out and put his hands on Simon’s shoulders.

“Can we talk?”

Simon bit his lip and nodded. It was clear he knew Jack was actually asking if he could talk now.

Jack wanted to kiss him more than anything. Wanted to twine his fingers into Simon’s soft, messy hair and cradle his skull, and kiss him so he didn’t have to talk. But he simply squeezed Simon’s shoulders.

“I didn’t listen well the other day,” Simon said softly. “I thought you were done with me—that we had to be done. Now that you can do everything by yourself again.”

At Simon’s tone Bernard let out a baleful howl and pressed himself against Simon in a sweet move that would have sent Simon pitching sideways if Jack’s hands hadn’t been on his shoulders. It felt so right to have Simon in his arms, leaning on him, and he pulled Simon against his chest.

“Not a chance, darlin’. Never be done with you.”

Simon let out a whuff of breath that was half sob and half swallowed sound. The arms around Jack’s waist were so tight it was nearly painful. He stroked a hand up and down Simon’s back, relished Simon’s breath against his neck.

“Let’s go talk in the bedroom.”

“Fewer paws and tails,” Simon agreed absently and followed him.

Jack forced himself to swallow any bad tail jokes he might have been tempted to make and gently shooed Puddles and Louis out of the room.

“Can you—” Jack said at the same time as Simon said, “I was—”

“You go,” Jack said. He sat on the bed.

Simon paced. When he spoke, it came out in a sluice.

“I got scared that if things were back to normal for you then what would you need me for? And then winter would come and by spring you’d have forgotten me mostly and maybe the animals would have t-too. And I would miss them so much. And you. Obviously. Of course you. And—and then once I got scared I wasn’t listening to you, but I spent all day yesterday driving and thinking and it’s not just that I was scared you wouldn’t want me anymore but like if you did then what if I couldn’t be a b-boyfriend—a good boyfriend—cuz I’m all me-like and then I just wanted to be walking with you and the pack and so. I’m here,” he finished weakly.

Jack plucked out the key words and it was no surprise what they were. Scared, scared, and scared. Scared of losing Jack, scared that Jack wouldn’t want him the way he was, scared to lose the animals. But also want. Simon was scared but he wanted him, this.

“I’m scared too,” he admitted. That got Simon’s attention. “I don’t always know how to help you. How you want me to respond. I feel awful when I know you’re having a hard time and I can’t fix it.”

“You can’t fix it,” Simon said flatly. “It is me.”

Jack cursed his choice of words.

“I shouldn’t have said it like that. I didn’t mean fix you, I meant that I want to be able to make everything better for you. I would want that whether you were anxious or you had a headache. I don’t like seeing you suffer.”

“I can stay away when that’s—”

“Christ, am I saying everything wrong or are you in a really negative mood right now?”

Simon glared and Jack remembered that he’d said nearly the same thing to Charlie when Charlie had said he hadn’t liked seeing him suffer over the last eight months.

“Well, did you like seeing me suffer with my leg?” Jack tried.

Simon rolled his eyes.

“Please, that wasn’t suffering, you were just a huge baby about it.”

Jack was about to get annoyed at Simon for the first time when he saw the smile at the corner of Simon’s mouth.

“I’m just being...careful, I guess,” Simon said. “Sorry.”

Jack could hardly fault him for it. He knew all about being careful.

“C’mere.”

Simon stood between Jack’s knees at the edge of the bed and Jack curled hands around his hips.

“I don’t want to steal time with you,” Jack said. “I don’t want this to be some affair that plays out in my house but never sees sunlight. I want this to be real. That’s what I was trying to say yesterday. That was all I was trying to say.”

“Yeah, but when you say real, you mean...in p-public. With p-people. And—and—and I j-just...”