Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

The waiter pours us each a glass of wine, and I down my glass in one gulp. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I do, but I don’t care. The waiter pours me a second glass .

“This is why you can’t make your own decisions without consulting me or Killian. You are too naïve, too easily taken advantage of, sweetheart. We are just trying to protect you .”

I don’t respond to Granddad’s words, but I can’t believe them. I didn’t do anything, except go on a date with Cedric. I didn’t make up my mind about him yet. If they had just given me time, they could have seen that I would have turned Cedric down on my own .

“Are you ready to order?” the waiter asks .

My grandfather nods. “I’ll have the sirloin, medium rare. Kinsley will have the same .”

I don’t hear Killian order. I’m too busy sulking. This is what my life will be like. Everything will always be decided by these two men. I will never get a choice in what I eat or drink. I will never get a choice in what I do. I will never get a choice in when I have children or what their names will be or what they do with their own lives. I will never get a say. I’ve never had a say .

I quickly sip on my wine, and before I know it, I’ve finished another glass. The waiter immediately fills it again .

“Regardless, I have some good news to share with you, Kinsley,” Granddad says .

I’m not hearing him though. My head is spinning. I’m dizzy. I’ve felt this way once before, and I know what’s going to happen next. I can’t be here when it happens .

“Excuse me. I think I’m going to be sick,” I say as I stand from the table .

I rush to find the restroom that is back on the first floor. I run, barely making it to a toilet stall before the contents from my stomach come back up .

God, I hate alcohol , I think as I heave into the disgusting public toilet .

A few seconds pass, and I hear the door swing open. Great .

Now, whoever has walked through that door will get to hear my embarrassment as I puke into the toilet .

I try to reach back to at least lock the stall door to keep the woman from seeing me, but I can’t without moving away from the toilet, and my stomach isn’t finished emptying yet .

That’s when I feel his arms on me. He’s holding back my hair as he slowly rubs my back .

“It’s okay, princess .”

I want to fight him off, but I’m too weak to do that. I vomit again and again, to my disgust. I can’t believe he is in here, taking care of me like a real boyfriend would. But we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. We aren’t even friends. We are nothing .

When I finally finish, I just feel like collapsing, but Killian holds me up .

“Come on, princess. Let’s get you cleaned up .”

He helps me stand and leads me to the sink. I watch as he turns on the warm water and puts a paper towel under the water before wiping my face .

He doesn’t say anything. He just intently stares at me. There isn’t disappointment on his face. There is just nothing. It’s like he is doing a business transaction. That’s what I am. I don’t have to be stupid to know what my grandfather was about to say. He was going to tell me that Killian agreed to marry me. I’m not ready to hear those words from him. If he says them and I hear them, then it’s over. I have nothing left to fight for. My destiny has already been decided, but I’m not ready to know what my future entails yet .

“I want to go home,” I say .

He nods. “I sent your grandfather home. I told him I’d make sure you got home okay. I told him you would talk to him tomorrow .”

“Thanks,” I whisper .

I follow Killian out of the restroom. A woman, who was just about to enter, stares wildly at Killian. She’s probably thinking we just hooked up in the restroom. I see Killian smirk at her, and my cheeks blush .

I make it out of the restaurant without stumbling, but Killian scoops me up .

“I can walk,” I protest while hating and loving being in his arms. I hate the confusion he brings out in me .

“I know, princess, but you shouldn’t have to .”

I don’t fight him. I just let him carry me into the casino. I let him carry me, despite the stares we get on the casino floor. I don’t care. Let them think what they want about me. My life is over anyway .