Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

My mother scares me with her words. I’ve never heard her talk like this .

I watch her walk toward the restroom, and then I stand and follow her. I’m afraid to leave her alone after she basically told me that I should kill myself rather than marry Killian .

I stand outside the restroom as I text Scarlett. I ask her to meet us at the hospital. I tell her that I’m worried about my mother’s mental state and that I need someone to stay with her twenty-four/seven for a while. I know I will owe Scarlett big time for doing this for me, but I don’t care. It will be worth it. There is no way in hell I can spend the next few days watching my mother .

I’m not sure I believe a word that came out of my mother’s mouth. I never have. Our relationship is too far gone to be repaired .

When Scarlett texts that she will be here in the next half hour, I sigh in relief. I just have to watch my mother for a half hour. Then, I can move on to more important things. Then, I can go back to praying like hell that my grandfather lives .

I feel a hand on my shoulder .

“I brought you some coffee and breakfast .”

I rub my eyes before glancing up at Killian. I take the coffee and breakfast sandwich he brought me before I glance back to my grandfather’s hospital bed. He made it through the open-heart surgery, but he still hasn’t opened his eyes yet .

I unwrap the sandwich and find a bacon and egg sandwich. I take a bite, letting the greasy goodness dissolve in my mouth. I glance at the clock on my phone. It’s seven a.m. We’ve been here all night .

“You should go home, Killian. You need to get some rest. You’ve been a great help, but there is nothing else you can do. We just have to wait until he wakes up .”

He shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere .”

I sigh and take another bite of my food .

He really has been amazing. He was able to fill out the insurance information without any help. He helped get my mother into Scarlett’s car last night. He kept me fed all night. He found some clothes from the gift shop so that I could change out of the ballgown I had been wearing. He found me a blanket and pillow, so I could get some sleep. He’s been by my side the entire night—taking care of me, holding my hand, doing anything I needed without ever asking what I needed. He just knew. He knew better than I did .

I don’t ask him again to leave. In fact, I like having him here .

He sits down next to me and unwraps his own sandwich. We eat in silence. Both of our eyes stayed glued on my grandfather, looking for any signs of movement or for any signs that he is still in there .

When I’m done eating, I toss my wrapper into the trash can beside the bed. That’s when I realize what will make Killian leave. I realize what will make him go back to bed or to work or to wherever he feels he belongs instead of wasting his time in a hospital room .

I slowly turn to face Killian. I don’t look sad. I don’t look happy. I don’t look like anything. “I have an answer for you .”

I watch as his eyes fill with regret and pain, a face I wasn’t expecting .

r /> “I don’t want to hear it, not until after your grandfather wakes up .”

“My answer isn’t going to change though. Even after he wakes up, I’m still going to have the same answer for you .”

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I can’t hear it until after he wakes up .”

I sigh. “Okay.” I don’t feel okay though .

I need to stop pretending that Killian is my future. I need to stop relying on him. I need to stop relying on anyone but myself. I need to be able to make a decision about my life and then deal with the consequences, no matter how awful they are .

I turn back to my grandfather. His eyes open. They open wide .

“Granddad,” I sigh as I stand. I embrace his body in a hug .

“Hi, princess,” he breathes into my ear as his arm comes around me .

When he releases me, we both turn and stare at Killian .

Terror flashes over Killian’s face as he realizes that, at any second, I will give him my answer. But he shouldn’t seem so afraid. He’ll want to hear my answer. My answer will set him free .

“I’ll let the nurses know he’s awake,” he says, leaving the room .

I laugh softly at his reaction .