Dirty Addiction (Dirty 2)

Killian places his arm around my shoulders, and I lean my head against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“For what?” I breathe back.

“For lying to you. For breaking you and Eli up. For controlling any bit of your life. For ruining your date. For forcing you into a life you don’t want. For everything.”

“None of this is your fault.” I suck in a deep breath. “You don’t have to do this though. You already have the job. It’s not going to be taken away just because you don’t do this.”

I pause, waiting for him to confirm or deny my statement. He does neither. He just looks at me with the same intensity he always does.

So, I continue, “We don’t even know each other. I don’t know how many siblings you have. I don’t your parents’ names. I don’t know your favorite color or food or band. I don’t know where you grew up. I don’t know why you are such a workaholic. I don’t know why you never want to get married or have kids. I don’t know if we are compatible together. I don’t know anything about you, other than you are good in bed and intelligent enough to run the company.”

His expression grows grave, but he doesn’t say a word.

“I’m a huge Justin Bieber fan—like, huge. I’ve seen him in concert six times. My favorite movie is The Notebook. I’ve watched it at least a hundred times, and I still cry every single time. I have enough clothes and makeup to fill three regular-size rooms. I hate large houses. I’d prefer to live in hotel rooms the rest of my life.

“It is always going to take me longer than it should to make my mind up about what I want to order and even longer to make up my mind about anything else. And I’m only occasionally going to be okay with you making those decisions for me. Although you’ll never really know when I want you to decide for me or when I want to make my own decisions.

“I’m never going to be okay with just being a housewife. I’m always going to want to find a way to fight my way into a leadership position at the company. I’m always going to want the fairy tale. I’ll always want to be desperately in love and have kids.”

His hand reaches up to my lips, squeezing them together, silencing me. “It doesn’t matter,” he says, never taking his eyes off mine. He slowly releases my lips.

“It does. Trust me, you don’t want to be stuck listening to Justin Bieber for the rest of your life when you prefer Justin Timberlake.”

He chuckles. “I don’t really like either.”

“What? You don’t like JT?”

“No,” he says, like I’m crazy for liking him.

I shake my head. “See? You can’t do this. Your life would be filled with Justins and little kids running around and indecisiveness.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “It’s not what you want.” But I’m not sure who I’m convincing with that statement.

As I stare into his eyes, I want to know everything about him. I want to listen to whatever shitty music he enjoys. I want to meet his parents and siblings. I want to argue with him about how long it takes me to order. I just don’t want to marry him.

The carriage stops in front of Crystal Waterfalls, my favorite casino. My eyes are wide as I stare at him. He climbs out before holding his hand out to me. I take it, and he helps me out.

He doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk into the building that, to my surprise, is empty. I don’t see a soul walking around. I blink rapidly, thinking that what I am seeing is a dream. It’s not. The casino is a ghost town.

I see a trail of rose petals on the floor. It starts next to the river that goes through the center of the hotel and casino. I let go of Killian’s hand as I make my way over to the edge of the river. I let my hand dip into the cold water, like I have done hundreds of times before. There are petals floating on top of the water.

I slowly follow the trail of rose petals. I hear Killian walking behind me, but he doesn’t try to walk next to me. He lets me discover everything by myself.

The rose petals follow the river. I follow them through the main casino floor, going past all the flashing lights of the slot machines, past the empty card tables, past the shops and restaurants. I follow them until they get to the door. It’s the door to my favorite place in the world.

I hesitate at the door, trying to calm my beating heart. This is it. I push the door open, and at the same time, I suck in a breath.

It’s beautiful, even more beautiful than usual. Lights are strung over every tree. And the smell from all of the roses and fresh flowers in the garden overwhelm me, as they always do whenever I step into the hotel’s garden. The waterfall rushes water over its crest just as calmly as it always does.

But what has taken my breath away are the rose petals and candles covering the floor. It looks like tiny shining stars on the floor of the garden.

I slowly turn back to the door. Killian is standing in the doorway, looking at me with a smile on his face. His head cocks slowly to the side as I smile back at him.

It’s a fairy tale in here. It’s just not real.

I feel my body tremble as he walks silently to me until he is standing just inches from my body. I hear music start up in the distance. I glance away from Killian and see a violinist playing. I turn back to Killian.

“I would have had her play Justin Bieber, if I had known.”