Feel My Pain (Curse Bound 1)

“I’m sorry, Reed. I’m so sorry,” Zane whimpered as he leaned in, pressing a kiss to Roach’s forehead.

“Did you break the bond?” Roach asked, but wouldn’t reject the hug and crawled into it like he always would. Zane’s arms were a safe haven even though he had the power to crush Roach’s heart.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away. Please, don’t ever do this, Reed,” Zane said, shaking him as he pressed several damp kisses to Roach’s face.

“But you… hate me.” And he’d almost killed them both. He didn’t deserve all this affection.

He’d decided to kill Zane rather than let him go and only in that last moment before darkness plunged them both into hell, he chose to fight for Zane. To set him free.

Zane hugged him more tightly. “Why did you lie? Why did you tell me all those stupid things? Why haven’t you told me what really happened?”

“When? What happened?” Roach sat up, massaging his neck, but was unwilling to deny himself the caring touch and pushed closer to Zane, sliding his nose and lips into the musky locks.

Zane fought for breath, as if the claws of death Roach had sent after him were still all too close. “What your father did to you. Why have you told me there was some other guy? Why lie to me when you could have said you didn’t wanna discuss your past?”

Roach froze, but as his mind exploded with unwanted images, Zane’s warmth became his refuge, even though he was still ashamed of the damage he’d been hiding for so long. “What do you mean?” he asked in a hoarse voice. “How do you know? What do you know?” As panic released into his veins, he pulled away just enough to look into Zane’s eyes.

Zane licked his lips, too restless to mind the tears rolling down his cheeks. There wasn’t any poise left in him, as if he’d let all barriers drop, no longer willing to present a front. “I had a vision when you… when you almost died. I saw him hurt you. I was you,” he whispered, squeezing Roach’s hand as if he too needed the support.

Roach curled his toes, recoiling as he realized what that meant, but Zane held his hands and wouldn’t let go. Roach had never told a soul about the things he’d been through at the hands of his own father. “Fuck. Fuck. I… You shouldn’t have seen it. It’s not your burden.”

Zane exhaled and pressed his forehead to Roach’s. His brows relaxed, and he brought Roach’s hands to his lips. “Don’t say that. We’re connected. Forever.”

Roach’s mind was still stuck on Zane knowing his secret, but he was trying to stay on the surface instead of letting the past drag him down. “You didn’t go? To the witch? I… I wanted to stop you, but I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t hurt you,” he whimpered, feeling his eyes sting.

A small smile crooked Zane’s mouth, and he watched Roach like he never had before, completely open. “I know. You’re not like that. You’re a good person, Reed.”

Hearing Zane call him by his name again and again was making Roach believe that for once he was seen as the man he was. “I’m not… I’ve done some terrible shit.” He shook his head, and stroked Zane’s damp hair, still amazed they were back to holding one another, as if hate had never stained their relationship.

“I know. But it’s the past. We can’t change the past, right? I’m sorry I’ve been so cruel to you sometimes,” Zane said, lowering his gaze to their entwined hands.

Pale, he leaned closer, as if seeking Roach’s warmth too. They both needed one another equally. The unexpectedness of this realization had Roach tightening his arms around Zane.

“I deserved it all, but you’re right. We can’t change the past. I’ve been trying to move forward too, even before you came back to Grit.” He sought answers in Zane’s stormy eyes, but he still couldn’t understand what had made Zane come back to him after he’d voiced his true feelings loud and clear. Roach would never find true happiness without Zane now that he’d learned the intoxicating sweetness of his presence, but he could still be content knowing he’d set Zane free, and that he’d been forgiven. “You don’t have to stay out of pity. We should go to the witch. You deserve your freedom back.”

Zane swallowed, settling close, on the debris of the place that forever changed their lives, and spoke, “I didn’t mean the things I said. I was hurt, and it was all spite. We can go see Mad Madge, if that’s what you need, but I don’t want revenge. And I didn’t want it either when I left you here earlier.”

“So you don’t hate me? Don’t think my cigs stink?” Roach snorted and entwined their fingers as hope bloomed in his chest against all odds. Could they really leave the past behind?