Feel My Pain (Curse Bound 1)

Zane snorted, fluttering his long lashes, which were clumped by tears. “No. And no. And I won’t call you with that nickname anymore, Reed. I hate how that bastard used it against you.” His face changed, eyes wandering again as he hugged Roach, petting him gently. “It was… really hard to see those things, but I would have still taken that pain from you if I could,” he whispered in a broken voice

Roach pressed his nose to Zane’s cheek. “You shouldn’t have suffered seeing even a second of it. And I… like it when you say my name. Even though it’s all kinds of cute when you call me ‘Roachie’. As if you took all the shit out of Roach and made it loving.”

Zane swallowed hard and faced him, their lips so close they could’ve kissed at any moment. “You need to know something. You won’t understand otherwise. Sometimes I just… I feel so unsafe I lose my shit.”

Any smile Roach had growing on his lips was gone. “I can take it. I’m not made of glass.” He came with so much of his own baggage it was a miracle Zane was here now.

Zane pulled on his hair, gathering it on one side as he shifted to sit cross-legged, one hand still in Roach’s. It was getting dark outside, and when he lowered his head, shadows hid his features, which was maddening after that moment of complete openness. But Roach waited, squeezing his fingers, massaging that lovely palm in encouragement.

Zane remained silent, his breath the only sound Roach could hear. When he spoke, it was like a bullet hitting Roach straight in the throat.

“They raped me. All eight of them. And each left the beer can burn on me once he was done.”

Time stopped. Roach had said he wasn’t glass, yet he was shattering. “No…” he whispered as unwanted images appeared in his head, and the building around them became oppressive, as if it was out to consume them. “No… no.” His breath hitched as he squeezed Zane’s hand harder, but Zane seemed to slip out of his grasp with each heartbeat, even though they both sat still.

“Hulk started it. He goaded everyone else into it. I don’t know why they hated me this much,” Zane whispered in a broken voice. “I didn’t feel all that special cuffed to that pool table. I was nothing to them. And once it was done, I didn’t even feel like I was the same person anymore.”

Roach thought he’d hated his club before, but nothing could compare to the helpless wrath that burned in him now. He sobbed, staring down at their entwined fingers. He didn’t deserve forgiveness or kindness. Zane deserved to get his revenge, and Roach was the only Hyena left to cull.

“We have to go… to the witch,” he said through uncontrollable sobs. “You have to end me. I’m… I’m a disease.” He pulled away, disgusted that he was soiling Zane with his touch, but Zane wouldn’t let him go, clutching his hand like an anchor stuck in the ocean bed.

“Reed, don’t go. Please,” he whimpered as tears rolled down his cheeks again.

Roach shook his head, his insides twisting in agony. “No. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand myself. You were an innocent caught up in my shit. There is no moving past this. You deserve so much better, and you’re stuck with me.” He let Zane hold his hand, but he leaned forward until his forehead met the dirty floor. His skin was filth, and he wanted to crawl out of it, drag his bare flesh over the broken glass and trash. He knew exactly how cruel Hulk could be, how everyone feared him enough to fall in line. And he had left Zane in the hands of that monster.

Left him to be torn apart, just because Zane hurt his fragile feelings. How could he even call himself a man?

Each time he breathed in, the damp smell of char entered his mouth, and he wished to stay like this, a relic of a past that should have never been. Zane shifted next to him and, like a dog crawling back to its abusive owner, rested on top of Roach, offering his support as if he hadn’t been the one hurt by Roach’s actions.

“Don’t say that. You didn’t know.”

Roach hugged himself and let out an inhuman wail at the pain that wouldn’t stop skinning him alive. It resonated against the cold, dead walls but offered no relief to the suffering.

Breathing was hard while his throat ached, but Roach needed to communicate even if he could barely speak. “I thought they’d… beat you up. Bad enough… He’s never… a man. Only done it to me and my brother.” He wanted to be understood so badly, but how did one speak of things this inhumanly terrible.