“Hey, speak for yourself.” I pretend to be offended. “Now, it’s my turn. Do you want kids?”
“Question stealer.”
“Is that your answer?” I ask, tickling her side.
“Stop. No, th-that’s not my answer,” she says, sputtering with laughter. I ease up, letting her catch her breath. “I don’t have a good answer to that question.”
“Now I’m intrigued.” I don’t push her to tell me. If she wants to, she will.
“I didn’t have the best life growing up. The only role models I have that were good to their children are my aunt and uncle.”
“I’d say you’ve got parenting in the bag then.”
“I don’t know. I mean, they’re not my parents. What if I turn out like my mom?”
“Close your eyes.” I wait a few seconds. “Are they closed?” I can’t tell from the way that we’re lying together.
“Yes.”
“I want you to picture your life as a mother. It’s five, hell, even ten years from now. You’re married to a man who cherishes you, and you’re happy. Your marriage is solid. Sure, there are hard times, but that’s life. Hard times are not conducive to just marriage. Anyway, you have a little girl who looks just like you.” I take another pause, letting her set the scene up in her mind. “Do you see it?”
“Yes.”
“What do you see, Shayne?”
“We’re in the backyard. Me and my husband and my daughter. We’re having a picnic under a big tree.”
“How do you feel?” I have no idea what I’m doing. All I know is that I want her to picture her life in a way I’m sure she’s never allowed herself to see. She has so much love to give. She could never be like the woman who raised her. I don’t know much about her life then, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that Shayne’s heart is too big to not smother those she loves with emotion.
“I feel… happy.”
“Shayne, you would be a fantastic mother. The mistakes of others are not your own. You can’t live in the shadows of how they lived their lives. You have to live for you. Forge your own path.”
“I’ve made mistakes,” she whispers.
“We’ve all made mistakes. Tell me, did you learn from that mistake?”
“Yes.” Her voice is strong and filled with conviction.
“That’s all that matters. You made a mistake, life knocked you down, and now you’re better because of it. The mistakes of our pasts shape our future.”
“That sounds like a Hallmark card,” she teases.
“More like a mom card. My mom is always spouting off words of wisdom. She writes to me when I’m deployed, and almost always, there’s something in her letters that gives me a dose of her mom wisdom.”
“I love how close you are to your family. I want that,” she confesses. “If I ever find a man who accepts me for my past and my present, and we have children, I want us to be close. I want to be everything that my mother never was.”
“Then that’s what you’ll be. You have the control, Shayne. Don’t let this town, or a snotty waitress, or even your mother tell you any different.” I hope I’m not overstepping. I don’t know her past. I don’t know her secrets, but I do know that we are all human. It’s in our DNA to make mistakes. How we learn and grow from them is what defines us as a person.
“I’m going to miss you.”
I place a kiss on her forehead. “I’m going to miss you too.”
“It’s weird, right? How can I feel as though I have this…connection to you when I barely know you?”
“I feel it too. Maybe it was fate.” I’ve never really been one to believe much in fate, but I don’t know of any other explanation for Shayne coming into my life. All the stars aligned for my parents to be on vacation my first week home from leave. When Chad offered me to come home with him, I jumped at the chance. I could have gone home and just chilled for a week, but my best friend offered for me to visit with his family, so I, in turn, offered him to visit with mine.”
He talked about Shayne so much, I feel like I’ve known her much longer than a week. I can’t believe I didn’t realize she wasn’t a guy cousin, but a beautiful female cousin who, with one look, captivated me.
That has to be fate.
“I’m leaving soon, Shayne,” I whisper into the quiet of the room. In mere hours I’ll be driving away from her.
“Yeah.”
“I want us to stay in touch.” I want more than that, but I still don’t know if she’s ready. I don’t know if I’m ready to put myself out there with her if I don’t know what she’s hiding from me. I can’t be stuck on base or, worse, deployed with secrets between us. All I can do is hope that she will eventually confide in me.