“I can write to you.”
“And maybe come visit me on base? I don’t know if you ever get long weekends or more time than that off work, but it’s only about a three-hour drive from here.”
“Are you able to leave?”
“We can, but we have days we’re on duty, and we’re only allowed to travel so many miles from base, and we have to be back at a certain time. I wish I would be able to come and see you, but unless I’m granted another leave, a long weekend maybe, I won’t be able to.”
“I’m sure we can figure it out.”
“We can,” I agree.
“I really want to keep you as a part of my life, Ford.”
“How big of a role are we talking here? Pen pal? An old friend? Boyfriend?” I go ahead and toss the suggestion out to see what she says.
“All of the above.”
“Pen pal and old friend. We’ve got that in the bag. I want us to be more. I would be honored to be able to call you my girlfriend, but we’re not there yet. I need to know that you trust me. I’m going to be gone a lot over the next year, and more than likely deployed at least half if not more of that time.” I curse myself inwardly for even bringing this up tonight. I told myself I wasn’t going to.
“I’ll tell you. I promise. I just… I don’t want anything to ruin our time together. I want to let you in. I’m just so damn scared that you’re going to see me differently, and I’m going to lose you. It’s only been a week, but you are already so important to me.”
“I’m all yours. We leave at one tomorrow afternoon. The only thing we have to do is pick up the rental car. This way, Chad doesn’t have to worry about how to get his truck back home. He doesn’t want his baby on base. He says leaving it in the deployed lot is a risk he’s not willing to take.” I chuckle, remembering that conversation with Chad. “Until then, I’m all yours.”
“That sounds like Chad.” She snuggles in close. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Shayne.”
“The town does.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“It wasn’t my fault, but I still hate myself for it.”
“Hey now, none of that. Tonight, pretend that whatever it was that happened was just a bad dream. Tonight, for the next few hours until I have to climb out of this bed, let’s just… be,” I say over a yawn. “Let’s try to get some sleep.”
“I like sleeping with you.”
“Me too, beautiful. Me too.”
I pull her a little tighter and fight off sleep. I’m used to going long stretches without rest, and tonight is going to be one of those nights. I want to memorize what it feels like to hold her all night long. I still can’t believe I found her, someone who I’m willing to risk my heart with again, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Shayne is worth it. I just need these memories to get me through until the next time I can see her.
Chapter 12
Shayne
I’m exhausted, but I refuse to nap. We’re down to hours. Hours of time is all I have left with Ford. One o’clock draws closer and closer with each passing second, the tick growing louder with every movement. I’ve never hated time as much as I do right now.
We’re headed to my aunt and uncle’s. Chad and Cassie went to pick up a rental car that the guys will use to drive to Ford’s hometown and should be back by now. Aunt Joan is making lunch for us, and if I know her at all, probably doing everything she can to keep the tears at bay. I wonder what her trick is? What is she thinking about to take her mind off the fact her only son is getting ready to leave again for an undetermined amount of time? I’d really like to know. I may need to implement some of her techniques to keep myself from going crazy with worry.
Sure, we’ve been here before, but for me, this time is different. This time, there’s Ford. I’ve come to truly care about him in such a short amount of time that I can’t even comprehend what it’s going to be like tomorrow when I wake up alone. I’ve gotten used to seeing him, touching his warm skin, and being the recipient of his amazing kisses.
What’s next?
The answer is daunting.
Emails and stolen phone calls whenever we can squeeze them in, if that’s what I choose. He made it clear in the early morning that he wants to keep in touch, wants to see where this crazy connection takes us. I’m not against it. Oh no. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I crave him, the deep timbre of his voice and the softness in his touch. There’s no way I’d be able to say goodbye today and never speak to him again.