“Let go of me!” I shrieked.
“Not until you come to your senses.”
He was so calm. So collected. Even as I struggled in his arms like a wild animal.
I couldn’t get past the self-flagellating thoughts that I should have listened to Robyn when she told me to take self-defense classes. Why didn’t I listen to you, Robbie?
Tears escaped before I could stop them, and Austin tsked, pulling me into his body. “Shh, don’t cry. I know it’s hard to make yourself vulnerable, but you can be vulnerable with me. I love you so much.”
Rage flooded me, and I brought my knee up hard into his gut. His grip on me loosened as he grunted in pain, and I shoved him off, pushing past him, lunging toward the door.
A strong arm banded around my waist a mere second later. “No!” I shouted as I was hauled back against him. He was too strong. How was he so strong? “Stop it!”
“You stop it,” he hissed angrily in my ear as he struggled to hold on to me. “I tried to be nice. But it’s time to teach you who is in charge here, Regan.” Then he swiped a hand across the top of the sideboard where my roommate and I kept our stuff. My perfume bottle smashed on the wooden floor, the smell at once cloying.
“No!” I pushed against the arm that was crushing me, kicking out with one leg, and suddenly feeling nothing but air beneath me seconds before I found myself bent over the sideboard. The breath was knocked out of me as it slammed into my gut. As I struggled to draw breath, I was vaguely aware of the throbbing in my cheek where my face had smacked off the top of it.
I tasted blood.
“You’re going to remember what it’s like between us, Regan.” I heard Austin say over the buzzing in my ears.
Air tickled my backside, and I realized my dress had been shoved up to my waist.
A sense of unreality descended over me as I felt my underwear tear.
No.
This wasn’t happening to me.
This happened to other people.
It couldn’t be happening to me.
I heard his zipper.
No!
I tried to push up off the sideboard, but he had my arms splayed over my head, my wrists crossed, holding me down with one hand, while he used his other—
“No,” I whispered hoarsely, pushing against his hold. He had me pinned with the weight of his entire body. No.
“Stay down,” he demanded.
“No.” My voice got louder as I tried to dislodge him with my hips.
“Stay down!”
And then I felt him, ready, pushing between my legs.
Nausea rose up from my gut.
And rage.
I lifted my head and chest just enough, and I screamed as loud as I could. “HELP!”
“Shut up!”
“HELP ME!”
“Regan?!” a girl shouted from the hallway.
Desi.
“DESI, HEL—”
A large, sweaty hand covered my mouth, cutting me off. “Shut up, or I’ll kill—what the fuck!”
A loud banging drew my terrified gaze to the door. It shook against the jamb. Another pound and it broke away, splintering off the door frame, flying open into the room.
A frantic Liam and Desi appeared, and I sobbed in relief against Austin’s hand.
“You motherfucker!” Liam lunged at Austin and then his weight was off me.
I was aware of Desi’s gentle hands on me, of her smoothing my dress down to cover me, her embrace as she held me while Liam threw Austin out of the room. Their words of concern, their questions, became like gnats in my ear, buzzing around.
I was already somewhere else in my mind, planning my escape from Vietnam, from what had just happened.
Nothing happened, I whispered.
Nothing had happened.
You’re okay.
Nothing happened here.
27
Regan
Present day
“Liam and Desi wanted to get the police … and I should have.” I couldn’t meet Thane’s eyes. “I should have been brave and stayed and pressed charges, but all I could think about was running. Getting as far away from Austin as possible. If I could get away, then it never happened. So that’s what I did.”
Thane’s silence made my heart throb with renewed fear.
Now he knew.
I was a coward.
Finally, I looked up into his eyes. He was furious.
My stomach dropped. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“You,” he bit out hoarsely, “have nothing to be sorry for. I just … I wish you’d told me. Then what happened downstairs …”
“No.” I reached for his face, scrambling into his lap to straddle him. “No, Thane, no. What we have,” I whispered against his mouth, fresh tears falling, “it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t want this to taint it.”
He gripped my hips, squeezing. “Why didn’t you tell me, then? Why did you lie to me and Robyn about what happened in that hotel room?”
Shame was this sickening ball in my gut. “Because … I’m not strong like you. Or Robbie. I’m not brave. And I thought if I just pretended it didn’t happen, then he wouldn’t have any power over me. I guess I got so good at pretending … that I really buried it. I buried it like it was just a nightmare. Until now. It flooded up and out of that deep, dark pit I’d put it in.”