“Mo leannan.” Thane cupped my face in his hands. “Our brains are strange and complicated. But when we bury things that shouldn’t be buried, our subconscious always pushes it back into the daylight. And now that it is”—his expression was tender but wary—“you can’t pretend anymore. We have to deal with it. And you must tell Robyn. You have to press charges.”
I tried to pull away, but he slid his hand around my nape to gently but firmly stop me.
“Please, mo leannan. Or I’m going to kill the motherfucker.”
It wasn’t a threat said in an angry but teasing manner.
He sounded extremely serious.
“You’re going to fly to the US to kill him?” I tried to ease the tension between us.
Thane didn’t think any of it was funny. “He tried to rape you. He stalked you. And he made you feel like a coward, which you’re not.”
I looked away.
He took hold of my chin to turn me back to him. “You are strong. You are brave. And I won’t let him make you feel like his victim.” He nodded. “Yes?”
Considering this, considering the rage I felt in that room, and then how I’d buried what he’d done so deeply that I’d served coffee to that piece of shit for weeks after, something hard and determined slid through me. “You’re right.”
Pressing a sweet, grateful kiss to his mouth, I sighed into him. “Thank you.”
“I did nothing,” he said gruffly.
“You did. You were you.” I kissed him a little deeper, and his hands flexed on my hips.
“We shouldn’t. You should rest.”
“I don’t want to rest.” I kissed his cheek through his beard, peppering soft kisses down his strong throat. “I want to make love to you. All you have to do is sit there and take it.”
Searching my gaze for truth, Thane hesitated.
He didn’t trust me. Didn’t trust me with my own emotions.
How could I blame him?
My inner question made me freeze over him.
Just because I’d buried a trauma didn’t mean I didn’t know myself.
I knew myself.
I glared at him. “Don’t patronize me.”
“I didn’t.” He frowned. “I didn’t say a word.”
“You don’t trust me.”
“It’s not that. I just think it’s too soon right now.”
“For who?” I slipped off him and slid from the bed. “Me? Or you?”
“Regan.” I heard him scramble to get off the bed, but I was already out of the room.
Just as we were about to pass his room, he caught up and pulled me to a stop. “Regan, don’t take this out on me. Please.”
I glowered at him. “You know what you don’t do when the woman you’re sleeping with tells you she was almost raped? You don’t sexually reject her afterward. It tends to make her feel like used goods.”
Thane jerked like I’d punched him. “I never meant it like that.”
Remorse flooded me. “I know. I’m just …”
“I know.” He hauled me into his arms, hugging me tight. “Let’s take a breath. We’ll go downstairs and have some dinner. Yeah?”
I nodded, though I still felt a little rejected.
Rational or not.
Thane took my hand and led me downstairs.
We avoided the kitchen table and ate dinner in front of the TV for once.
The atmosphere was strange between us. Thane kept us physically connected, snuggling with me on the sofa, kissing my head now and then, caressing my arm. And that night when we went to bed, he took me to his.
My heart was in my throat as he switched off the lights and hauled me back against him. I waited.
“Good night.”
I couldn’t say good night.
I was choking back tears.
Either he didn’t want me anymore or he didn’t trust me to know what I wanted.
Neither felt wonderful.
Wanting nothing more than to cry myself to sleep, I felt suffocated by his arms because his presence meant I had to hold it in, and now that I wasn’t holding anything in, I never wanted to bury my feelings like that again. It was too painful once they exploded. The awful panic attack in the bathroom was proof of that.
Pressing my lips together to stifle the sobs, the tears rolled down my cheeks, hidden in the dark.
So busy concentrating on not making a sound, I didn’t feel Thane tense against me. Seconds later, however, I heard him whisper hoarsely in my ear, “You kill me, mo leannan.”
And then I was turned as if weightless and hauled over Thane’s body as he fell onto his back. My palms landed on his chest and I straddled him in the dark. As my vision adjusted to the shadows, I made him out through the moonlight peeking in around the window blinds.
“Take whatever you need.”
Relief flooded me as he grew hard beneath me. An answering throb pulsed between my legs, and I reached for the hem of my nightdress, pulling it off, followed by my underwear.
Thane reached for my bare hips, his long, strong fingers caressing and squeezing as he undulated gently under me. I lifted off him but only to yank down his pajama bottoms and underwear just far enough to free him.