Alexander sighed, feeling his cock stir just from thinking about it. He’d never felt so out of control before. Never. It was more than a little disturbing. And it wasn’t normal that one smile from the guy could make his mouth go dry, his heartbeat pick up and his cock harden, as though he was a teenager once again. He hated his total lack of self-control around Christian.
This…obsession was getting out of hand. Nothing good could come out of it. This was already turning him into someone he wasn’t: a possessive, unreasonably jealous man. He had no right to feel jealous. It was none of his business if Christian wanted Jared and kissed him. And yet his blood was boiling with jealousy, rage and fear all at once, cooking him from the inside out. Of course Christian was attracted to Jared. His cousin was basically an improved version of him. Jared was everything Alexander strove to be: calm, composed and dependable. Jared had his life figured out. Jared never lost his composure. Jared didn’t let his primitive instincts take over.
His cell phone rang.
Alexander pulled it out of his pocket. His face hardened when he saw the caller ID. But he answered. “What do you want?”
“And here I was hoping you’d calm down,” Jared said.
“I’m perfectly calm.”
Jared let out an incredulous chuckle. “Come over, then. I think we need to clear a few things up.”
Chapter 19
When Jared opened the door, there were no hugs and smiles this time around.
Alexander looked at his cousin’s face and couldn’t summon even a flicker of affection for him. All he could see was the man who’d had his tongue in Christian’s mouth.
Yeah, I want him. Remembering Christian’s words, he felt his hands clench into fists by his sides, his breathing uneven and loud even to his own ears. Rage bubbled in his gut, mixed with a dose of fear and resentment. He loved his cousin. He shouldn’t be feeling this. He shouldn’t feel the nearly irresistible urge to slam Jared against the wall and punch him hard, again and again, until his face was a bloody mess.
As though reading his thoughts, Jared stepped back, eyeing him warily. “Come on in.”
The house was dark and quiet, the fireplace the only source of light in the living room.
Alexander took off his coat and threw it on one of the chairs before sinking into the armchair beside the fireplace.
Jared stared at him, walked to the mini-bar and grabbed a few beers.
“So,” Jared said, throwing him a can. He sat down on the couch and opened his beer. “About the pretty boy you brought here.”
Alexander stiffened but didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust himself not to say something he would regret later.
“Relax,” Jared said, watching him. “I don’t want your Christian.” He chuckled softly. “Well, if he lands in my lap, naked, I won’t say no—he’s ridiculously attractive, and I’m not dead. But I don’t want him.”
Some of the tension drained out of Alexander’s body. “Then why did you touch him?”
Jared sipped his beer. “I was curious how you would react. You were feeling him up the whole time, so I thought it would bother you if I touched him. But your reaction exceeded all my expectations.”
“If you want to study me like a lab rat, keep Christian out of it—and keep your tongue out of his mouth, dammit.”
Jared eyed him solemnly. “I thought you had a girlfriend.”
Alexander looked down at his beer, watching the reflection of the firelight on the can. “I did. Not anymore.”
Silence.
“It’s a bit strange,” Jared said, his tone careful. “Your relationship seemed fine just a few months ago. I thought you weren’t interested in guys at all.”
Alexander opened his beer and took a big gulp. “I wasn’t. Until Mila invited Christian for a threesome.” Alexander looked at the fireplace, watching the yellow flames dance across a burning log. Now it felt like it all had happened in another lifetime, not two months ago. “He annoyed me.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Not sure how I went from being annoyed to wanting my dick inside him.”
He looked at Jared, gauging his reaction.
His cousin’s expression was calm and unsurprised. That was the thing about Jared: he was always composed and cool-headed. Sometimes Alexander envied him, because he often felt like a ticking bomb set to go off.
“From the way you looked at him today, it’s not just about sex, is it?” Jared murmured, sipping his beer.
“I don’t love him,” Alexander said tersely.
“I didn’t say you did,” Jared said, raising his eyebrows. “But out of curiosity—why do you think you don’t love him?”
Sighing, Alexander pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because I don’t. This—it’s not love. Love isn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Like what?”
Alexander met his eyes and said quietly, “When I saw you kissing him, I wanted to tear you limb from limb. I’m not exaggerating.” Seeing Jared’s expression, he let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah. It didn’t matter you’re my closest friend and cousin. This thing… it stripped me of all control. I felt like—like a man possessed. Like he’s mine. And no one but me can touch him. See, it’s obsession, not love.”