Redeemed (Dirty Air 4)

“A day is all you’re going to get. She’s going to want to see you again, and you can’t pretend you’re someone you’re not.”

His eyes dart away. It sets me on edge, and I need to gain control of this situation.

“You think this is easy for me? It’s not. The last thing I want is for this situation to ruin her in a different way than ever before. You have no idea how excited she was to spend time with you, thinking you were her dad.” Every muscle in my body locks up at the idea of Chloe finding out about all of this.

Matteo’s eyes widen. “Does she even want to own a coffee shop?”

I shake my head from side to side.

“Wow.” His eyes drop. “She spent the whole summer doing things she wasn’t interested in to get to know me?”

“She’d do it all over again, just for the chance to spend time with you. She was desperate to be around you in whatever way she could get. And now…”

“Now I’m going to break her heart.”

There’s no use in denying Matteo’s claim. I love Chloe, but I can’t be the one to destroy her happiness. Not when she made it her mission to become mine. I’d rather help pick up the pieces of her broken heart once Matteo shatters her world into nothing but stolen wishes and missed chances.

I shut the bedroom door behind me without making a noise. Chloe is in the same spot I left her, looking peaceful as she holds on to the pillow. Something clenches in my chest at her vulnerability. A feeling of helplessness hits me as I consider everything I learned not even an hour ago.

Nothing in the world can fix what she’s about to learn. All I can do is make the process as painless for her as possible.

Making quick work of my shoes, clothes, and prosthetic, I settle back into the bed. I pull Chloe into my body. She throws a leg over my body and nestles into the crook of my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close to my chest. It’s as if my conversation with Matteo never happened. Honestly, I wish I could go back in time and erase my memory of his confession.

I stay like that for an hour. I don’t move an inch, afraid to wake her after the hellish night she had. And worse, I’m worried if I wake her up, the guilt will tear me apart. Guilt makes me stupid and reckless. She has a way of wanting me to be better, including telling her the truth no matter what. Even if it means hurting her.

I shake my head, nixing the idea. I’m doing this for her. Matteo needs to think of the best way to tell her, and I need to wait.

She startles awake, her body jolting against mine.

“Good morning.” I brush her hair out of her face.

“Morning.” A lazy smile graces her face.

“How are you feeling?

“Like I have the worst hangover, minus the alcohol.”

“Because of last night?”

She nods. “Crying will do that to a girl.”

“I’m sorry it happened that way.” And I’m sorry I have to lie to your face and pretend I don’t know the truth. I’m so fucking sorry.

She deserves much more than the shitty cards life has given her time and time again. Someone like her shouldn’t be plagued by sadness and despair year after year.

She traces the divots in my chest with her fingers. “Out of all the ways I thought things would go down, I didn’t expect him to run away, you know? I mean, I knew it was a possibility, but I stupidly hoped it would be way better than that.”

Shit. I didn’t expect to be tempted to break down and tell her after one minute. The nagging voice in my head forces me to stop and think of the consequences.

What if she freaks out and leaves? What if she realizes she doesn’t love me after all, and Matteo’s truth is the last thing holding her back from leaving for America? What if I’m the one to push her to that result?

I don’t want to be the bad guy. There are too many unknown variables, and I need Matteo to be the one to figure this out.

I swallow back the words begging to be let out. “What do you want to do about it?”

Her eyes shift away from me. “I don’t know. I thought about going over there and talking to him.”

“When do you want to go over?” Please, not today.