“I used to think it would have been better if I’d never known what it was like to be a real family. Then I wouldn’t have felt the loss. Because once we moved next to you and everything changed, I felt like I’d had the foundations of my life ripped out from under me.”
“Like a death,” Lucy murmured, understanding immediately. He’d gone from two parents who doted on him and adored him to none.
“Exactly,” he said, his voice gruff and filled with pain.
His big body shuddered, and she couldn’t help but wrap her arms around him and give him the warmth and understanding he desperately needed, that he always shared with her. Because at this moment, he wasn’t Max Savage, the strong man who tried to conquer her demons, he was the little boy who’d lost his parents.
“I never knew,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder. She’d never realized how much they really did have in common. “But now I get why you can read me so well. Because we both suffered loss.”
“I’m not sure you really do understand, because there’s more.” He straightened his shoulders, shrugging off the sadness of his childhood.
Suddenly Max Savage, dominant male, was back, with a determined gleam in his golden eyes and pride in his posture. He was the man who decided what he wanted and went after it, no holds barred.
Lucy shivered. “What do you mean?” she asked, suddenly wary because this Max had an agenda. And she was on it.
“I mean, I haven’t tied everything together for you, but I will.” He shifted toward her. “Yes, we both suffered loss. And you know how you keep the people you love at a distance? How you protect yourself by not letting yourself get too close, feel too much?” he asked, every word aimed at piercing that very armor she used to keep herself safe, because he knew her secrets.
“Yes?” she asked, unable to hide the tension shooting through her.
“Well, I learned that same lesson, and I learned it from my parents.”
Lucy stared into his sexy gaze, lost and confused. He hadn’t kept anyone at arm’s length. In fact, he’d brought someone very, very close. “But you fell in love… and got married.”
“No… and yes.” He set his jaw, pausing in thought before continuing. “I think I need to backtrack in order to explain more about us.”
“Us?”
He nodded. “At first you were just Decklan’s pain-in-the-ass little sister.”
Her lips curved in a smile at that description because she had been exactly that. She’d followed the boys around, wanting to be included, annoying them any way she could, usually just by her mere presence.
“Then after your parents died, you were a sad, lost girl I wanted to look after and protect. But once you graduated from college and came home, I saw a different Lucy. You were a curvy, gorgeous woman.”
“You noticed?” His compliment spread through her, warming her heart.
He nodded. “Oh, I noticed. And we spent a lot of time together then, and God, I wanted you.” His body visibly shook at the memory, his eyes boring into hers, begging her to believe.
“You wanted me back then?” Lucy blinked in utter and complete shock. “I felt the same way,” she whispered, the words falling unbidden from her lips. “But you never said a word. Never showed a sign!” She wanted to cry in frustration, knowing how different her life might have been if she’d been aware.
He reached out and stroked her cheek, his touch so welcome and sweet.
“You were too young then. You had your whole life ahead of you, and your brothers would have strung me up alive if I made a move at that point.”
He spoke the truth. Still, her lips parted, ready to yell at him for giving in to what her brothers wanted instead of coming to her and offering them a chance.
He stopped her with his hand over her mouth, which he quickly dropped. “Don’t say it. Because Decklan and Gabe weren’t the only reason I kept my distance.”
She shook her head, at a loss. “What other reason could there have been?”
* * *
Max groaned, aware that Lucy wouldn’t be happy with the explanation. Still, it was time he laid it all out for her.
“I wanted you, Lucy. But I couldn’t let myself have you.” He pulled back and studied her wide-eyed, confused look. Yeah, this wouldn’t go over well, but it was time they both faced the truth.
“Explain that.”
“Look inside yourself and you’ll understand,” he said, not meaning to be cryptic, merely honest.