Entering her soft heat was like coming home. Too bad it couldn’t last.
TEN
The aftershocks of her climax had barely subsided when Kevin rolled off her. “Don’t want to crush you,” he muttered.
Nikki didn’t believe him. More like he didn’t want to be inside her once his brain kicked back into gear and he’d have to face what he was feeling. She inhaled and refused to give in to despair. The seductive masculine scent that was so much a part of him wrapped itself around her, giving her strength.
She wouldn’t give up a possible future. Not without a fight. She wasn’t sure when she’d made the decision. She did know she’d been struggling with it, fighting an internal battle between what was best for her baby and what was safest for her heart. There was no contest as to which was more important.
The scene with his father should have convinced her to back off and have nothing to do with him. After all, she’d seen why he couldn’t sustain relationships easily and knew what a struggle it would be to force him to try. He’d had no family to speak of growing up and she didn’t want her child raised with an absent father, or worse, none at all.
If she was to give her baby the sense of family she’d had, if she was going to give all of them that feeling of family, she’d have to start at the beginning. She reached for his hand and brought it to rest on the slight swell of her stomach, which felt like it had blossomed overnight. “You can feel the baby kick as early as fourteen weeks,” she said.
She met his gaze. No doubt he’d been expecting her to question his emotions or the reasons he’d backed off. But an overt grasp for his heart wouldn’t work. Instead, she planned to ambush him slowly until his heart and hers were so closely intertwined he couldn’t tell whose was beating stronger, or faster. Until he didn’t want to.
“It’s too soon then.” His fingers curled more tightly against her stomach. More possessively, she thought.
“It’s too soon,” she agreed. “But a few more weeks and it won’t be.” She looked into his dark eyes. “Will you want to feel it? Or will you want to run?”
He lay a hand over his forehead and covered his eyes. “You don’t ask for much, do you?”
Now that their lovemaking was over and the world had intruded, a chill rushed over her skin. “I’m not asking for anything at all.” She tugged at the bedsheet until it covered her exposed skin. The cotton was cool and did nothing to warm her, so she curled into Kevin’s body heat. The chill eased completely. She wasn’t surprised.
“I helped create this life. You know I want to be part of everything.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. Because she’d pushed first or not, she’d never know.
“I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have asked. But that aside, there was more of a point to the question.”
“What is it?”
“If you want to share in the physical changes in my body, we’re going to have to come to some kind of understanding,” Nikki said.
Kevin bolted upright beside her. “What kind of understanding?” he asked warily.
“I’ll marry you, Kevin. I’ll give my baby his father’s name and the best possible medical care. I’ll give you a home and try to be the best wife I can be. I only ask one thing in return.” She had a nerve asking anything at all, she knew. He was doing all the giving just to make her life—and their baby’s life—easier.
“Why do I think giving blood would be easier than whatever’s on your mind?” he muttered. “You have to know I’ll do whatever it takes to keep both of you safe.”
She sighed. So it all came down to that again. To responsibility. What she wanted from him entailed so much more. “Safety isn’t the issue, Kevin.”
She curled her legs beneath her. Being naked around him didn’t embarrass her which said so much about her trust and faith in him. Why couldn’t he see that?
They sat in silence. He obviously waited for her to continue. She couldn’t ask him to love her. Either he did or he didn’t.
She hung her head for a minute, gathering her thoughts. “A baby should be born into an atmosphere of peace and harmony. Into a family,” she explained at last.
She raised her head and Kevin met her gaze. “Like I said... you don’t ask much, do you?” She didn’t just want what he could give her or the baby. She wanted his heart and soul. His heart was rusty from disuse and aged beyond his years, while his soul was something he’d discarded when Tony died.
She might as well have asked him to cut himself in two. But he had to admit he’d set himself up for this. Every move he’d made had been an uncalculated step in this direction. Sleeping with Nikki, getting her pregnant, asking her to move in, insisting they marry.
And now she wanted it all—the white picket fence and the family out of a Norman Rockwell painting. How could he expect a woman like Nikki, a wholesome woman from a close-knit family, to want anything less? He actually envied her wide-eyed optimism.
If she thought he was capable of making the attempt, how could he deny her? “You really think someone like me can give you what you want?” he asked.
She nodded. “All I want,” she said softly, “is you.”
That’s what he was afraid of. “When?” he asked.
She inhaled and a visible shudder rippled through her. So she wasn’t any more sure of this arrangement than he. “As soon as possible.”