He wondered if she was still trying to convince herself marrying him was the right thing to do. He couldn’t blame her. As soon as possible would prevent either of them from changing their minds—or running from their feelings.
As soon as possible was the right thing for everyone. He nodded. “Next weekend work for you?” he asked.
Wide-eyed, she gave a small nod of assent. He looked into those violet eyes. Eyes that shimmered with emotion and brimmed with tears. No way were they tears of joy. She was stuck with him.
But they’d made their bed almost three months ago. It was time to sleep in it. Damning himself for a fool, he pulled her into his arms.
* * *
Nikki had to hand it to Kevin—he hadn’t been avoiding the house, nor had he been avoiding her. If his presence was all she wanted, then she’d have to say he’d been trying. Just as she’d asked.
Just as he’d promised.
But his emotions had remained firmly in check and despite her best efforts, she hadn’t been able to tap into them. With their wedding two days away, Nikki felt as though the minutes of her life were ticking down. She was marrying the man she’d dreamed of marrying, but for all the wrong reasons.
All the wrong personal reasons, she amended. She placed her hand over her stom
ach and wondered when the nervous jitters would turn into the real flutters described in the books. She couldn’t wait to feel her baby kick. Evidence of life symbolized hope. She’d do anything for the happiness and security of this child, even if it meant risking her heart.
When she heard Kevin’s key turn in the lock, she braced herself for the inevitable awkwardness between them. Kevin surrounded himself with mile-high barriers. It would have felt like an icy reserve, if she hadn’t known better. Because that chill wasn’t ever-present. At night beneath the covers, the chill evaporated, replaced by a sizzling heat.
They shared more than just the same double bed in her room. Way beyond sex, she and Kevin connected in a meaningful way. He engaged her heart and soul, and she was able to let herself go. Because she was giving herself to Kevin, and he to her. When he was inside her, he didn’t hold himself back on any level. He gave of himself endlessly. She wanted to grab onto that closeness and bring it into the light of day.
So far, she hadn’t been successful. She supposed she should be grateful there was any time at all when she could breach his reserve, get past his fear and distrust. Not of Nikki, but of himself. The irony wasn’t lost on her. If he hadn’t trusted her, she could work to prove herself to him, but how could she get him to believe in himself? In his own worthiness, when the man who’d raised him was a constant reminder of his so-called failures.
“Nikki?” His voice called out from the hall.
“In my room.” Although he’d wanted her to move into the master bedroom where she’d be more comfortable—or so he’d said, she’d insisted on waiting until they were married. In her mind, it was another way to make the distinction between individual and couple mean something to Kevin.
Since she’d been able to reach him in bed, his bedroom, the place where they would begin their married life, was the place she would start. A resourceful woman could work with that and in the last couple of months, Nikki had learned to be more resourceful than she’d ever dreamed she could be.
“Hi there.” Kevin walked into her dimly lit room. Nikki sat with an open magazine on her lap, the glow of a small bedside lamp illuminating her delicate features.
Ever since they’d made their decision, she appeared more serene and calm than he could admit to being. Not because he wanted to back out but because he was waiting for her to do it first.
She glanced at the small digital clock on the nightstand. “Is everything okay? You’re usually home much earlier.” Her hand curled around the comforter in a tight fist. “I didn’t mean I was keeping tabs on you or anything. I just meant that...”
He let out a long breath of air. “I didn’t think you were checking up on me.”
“Everything okay at work?”
He nodded. “I stopped by to see Max.” Not because he wanted to but because he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t make sure his old man was okay.
“How’s he doing?”
“He wasn’t there.” Kevin had a hunch where he could have found his father, but he wasn’t in the mood to hit the seedy bars downtown.
She patted the empty side of the bed. “Sit down and relax,” she murmured.
Every day he promised himself he wouldn’t climb into bed with Nikki and selfishly take what she so unselfishly offered. But he couldn’t stop himself— and she didn’t seem to mind. If anything, the stiltedness between them dissolved each time he joined her beneath the covers.
She’d asked him to make an effort at doing the family thing. But he wasn’t comfortable sharing his feelings over the dinner table, as he’d never grown up with a family who ate together or discussed their daily events. No one really cared about anything except tiptoeing around his old man’s moods and temper.
Yet as soon as he joined Nikki in bed, the discomfort dissolved and barriers dropped. He hoped she was satisfied with that because he couldn’t offer any more. He just didn’t know how.
At her prompting, he sat down on top of the comforter. She turned toward him and drew her legs up to rest her chin on her knees. He met her gaze and she extended her hand. Meet me halfway, she seemed to be asking.
And there was nothing he wanted more.