“I’m scared to death,” Nikki admitted. Once the words had escaped, her body reacted. Her heart began to pound and she broke into a cold sweat.
“Put your head between your knees,” Janine suggested.
Nikki shook her head. “I’m not going to faint.”
“I nearly did. The day I married your brother, I had my head in a brown paper bag up until right before I walked down the aisle.”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m normal?”
Janine laughed. “I’d never say such a thing.” She grinned. “What I’m saying is what you’re feeling is normal.” She shifted position again. “Unless you’re truly having second thoughts and not just last-minute jitters.”
Nikki bit down on her lower lip.
“Cut it out, you’ll eat off your lipstick. Now what’s wrong?”
It all came down to the same thing. She wanted the fairy tale wedding. The “to love and to cherish,” the happily ever after. With the seconds ticking down, she was forced to look into her heart.
She loved him.
She always had. When she looked at Kevin, her heart raced and blood heated. When he was in pain, she hurt for him, and on the rare occasions when he laughed with her, her heart soared toward the clouds. She loved him, all right. But he didn’t reciprocate the emotion.
His sense of duty was strong, so here she was in a cream-colored suit loose enough in the waist to accommodate her pregnant form. She may not want him coerced into marriage, but what else could she call it? If it weren’t for the life growing inside her, she’d run far and fast.
“What is it?” Janine asked.
Nikki met Janine’s questioning gaze. “He doesn’t love me,” she admitted.
“He doesn’t know how to show it. There’s a difference.”
“I wish that were true, but...” She lifted her shoulders, then dropped them again.
“I believe it is, but unless he says the words, what I think doesn’t matter.” Janine sighed. “Do you want to call it off?”
“For the baby’s sake, I can’t. And besides, I want to make it work.”
What she couldn’t explain to Janine was that she was going into this marriage while making contingency plans for herself in case it failed.
Nikki loved Janine like a sister, but her faith in Kevin was strong, her desperation to see Nikki with the man she loved even stronger. Tony’s death had reinforced her belief in grabbing happiness while it was still possible. And though Nikki understood, Janine’s behavior in the past made trusting her in this case impossible. Besides, in another week, Janine would be packed up and back home.
And Nikki would once again be on her own.
“So you’re sure about this?” Janine asked.
Nikki closed her eyes, knowing this was her last chance to back out. She took a deep breath before facing Janine. “I’m sure.”
Janine glanced at her watch, then shifted gears and placed the car back into drive. “Then we’ve got a wedding to make.”
* * *
Kevin paced the floor outside Max’s hospital room, debating the merits of whether to go in or turn around and walk away. He wanted to. But that was Max’s style, not his.
You walked out on Nicole, a voice in his head taunted. And it sickened him to realize how like his father he’d become. So he pulled open the door and walked inside.
The television blared too loud from the remote speaker buried inside the covers on the bed. Kevin shook his head, wondering if Max even cared. “Hey, Max. How are you feeling?” Kevin yelled above the blaring television.
His father, looking more sallow than ever, pushed himself up against the pillows. He let out a loud whistle, more suited to a construction site than a hospital room. “Where’re you going all dressed up like that? Ain’t no way I’m the reason you cleaned yourself up.
”