“Because it’s procedure not to go out on a call without backup?” Nikki asked.
“I should have been in the goddamn car.”
“And Tony shouldn’t have gone off alone.”
“If I hadn’t been distracted, he wouldn’t have.”
She shook her head. Arguing with Kevin when he was in this mood wouldn’t do either of them any good. “And you think this is going to help?” she asked, lifting the half-empty bottle.
“I’m no better than my old man and at least this proves it,” he muttered. “And maybe if I finish it off, it’ll help me forget.”
She walked up beside him and held out her arms. “I’ll help you forget... if you’ll do the same for me.”
* * *
The discipline reports proved what she’d known all along. It wasn’t Kevin’s fault. Her renegade brother wouldn’t think twice about taking a call solo, especially if Kevin was tied up with family. Family was important to Tony, just as it was to Kevin. He just didn’t realize it yet. It was so like Tony to protect the people he loved.
Just as it was like Kevin. Only that time, it had backfired on her brother. He’d sabotaged his own life, just like Kevin was slowly sabotaging his.
FOURTEEN
The bathroom door opened wide and Janine walked out, eyes red and faced washed clean of makeup. Nikki understood. She was feeling pretty wiped out herself.
“Do you think Kevin knew Tony had been written up that many times? That he’d received the last one the same day he was killed?”
Nikki shrugged. “Did you know?”
Janine shook her head. “Nothing official. If you’d asked me, I could have guessed. I know he’d been orally reprimanded. The guys would joke about it over dinner. But it never bothered either one because Kevin had always backed Tony up and been able to anticipate his renegade moves.”
“Riggs and Murtaugh,” Nikki said laughing, recalling Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon movies.
“It was funny,” Janine agreed. “Until it got him killed. Why didn’t he think of me before he ran off half-cocked?” Janine rubbed her hands over her eyes.
Nikki nodded, barely able to draw a breath, let alone formulate a response. “I don’t know the answer to that any more than I understand why Kevin still blames himself for that night.”
“Well we’re finished here,” Janine said. “The Salvation Army will be here in an hour for the rest of the things, the landlord rented the apartment with most of the furnishings...”
“And you want to be alone.” It wasn’t a difficult guess. “Since your flight is tomorrow night, can I see you to say good-bye?”
Janine nodded. “Kevin invited me to come by.”
“Of course he did.” He just hadn’t mentioned it to her. She fingered the paper in her hand and gestured to the rest of the papers unraveled on the bed. “Do you mind if I take these?”
“Not at all. You want to show them to Kevin?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “I do.” She didn’t think it would change anything, but he deserved to know. Deserved to be relieved of one huge responsibility with which he’d saddled himself.
And after she’d let him know she planned to finish school and find a job, maybe he’d be twice as relieved. Because soon after, he could be relieved of her as well.
* * *
Kevin sat on the couch, listening to the sounds of the night. He wasn’t surprised Nikki had chosen to stay late at Janine’s. It seemed to be a habit with her these days, her crawling into their bed after she thought he was asleep. But not tonight.
Tonight she needed to listen to what he had to say. To know he was making an effort to do as she asked and give her the family she wanted, by learning how to separate himself from his past. Opening himself up to her wouldn’t be easy. He wasn’t sure he was prepared. But by the time she walked into the house, he was ready.
“Hi.” She put her keys onto a small table and looked at him, questions in her eyes. “What are you doing up?”
“Waiting for you.”