“Too bad he doesn’t feel that way.”
“Then make him feel it.”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” Nikki slammed her hand against the mattress. “He’s like this fortress and the harder I try to get in, the more he shores up his defenses.” And it hurt. She didn’t know how much many more times she could handle being rejected. “Besides he hasn’t come to think of me as anything more than an obligation. Like you said, he did the right thing. Doesn’t mean he’s enjoying it.”
Janine shook her head. “Tell him about school.”
“What will that accomplish?”
“Maybe nothing. But maybe when he realizes you won’t need him for long, it’ll scare him out of that complacent shell of his and show him exactly what he has. And what he might lose.”
Nikki rose from the bed. “You may have a point.”
“I usually do. Now let’s get this over with.”
Not pretending to misunderstand, Nikki headed for the family room and returned with the bag Kevin had brought the week before. She placed it on the center of the bed while Janine stood off to the side, wide-eyed, staring at the sight as if it might come to life at any moment.
Nikki sighed. If her life ever got easy, she might not recognize her role in this universe. “Want me to open it?” she asked.
“Please.”
Her hands shook as she untied the knot on the heavy plastic bag. Her breath caught as she pulled out the dark blue uniform her brother had worn for his last day on earth. And her heart constricted as she listened to Janine’s soft cries as the blood stains on the material became apparent. She shut her eyes and tears fell anyway.
She wished Kevin were here to support her. Did he long for her presence when he put himself through a difficult task, like confronting his father? Or was he merely glad she was gone?
When Janine gingerly took the uniform out of her hands, Nikki stepped back. “Want me to give you some privacy?” she asked her sister-in-law.
“No. I really need your support. I need you.”
“You’ve got me.”
“You know it’s not like I haven’t accepted things.”
“Hey, you’re human. This isn’t easy for me either, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Have you given any thought to what you’re going to do with it?” Nikki asked.
“Burn it,” Janine muttered. “But I wanted to make sure I got all his personal things first.”
While Janine patted down the clothes, searched through the pockets and looked through assorted pieces of paper, Nikki put the rest of the sweaters and other clothing into the last box. She turned back around to see Janine staring at a sheet of paper.
“What’d you find?”
“A report. A goddamn discipline report dated the day Tony died.”
Nikki walked up beside her. “Mind if I take a look?”
Janine slammed the paper onto the bed and retreated, closing herself into the bathroom. Wondering what on that paper had Janine so upset, Nikki eased herself onto the mattress. She picked up the scrap of paper and turned it over.
“Failure to follow procedure. Not the first incident,” she read aloud. Various other papers had scattered across the bed and each one she unwrapped contained another discipline report. Same complaint. Which didn’t come as a surprise to Nikki, or Janine, she supposed, or anyone who knew her rebel brother well.
Including Kevin. But he’d chosen to shoulder the burden anyway, she thought, and was transported back to the night in Kevin’s apartment.
The night Tony had died.
* * *
“It wasn’t your fault,” Nikki said.
Kevin grunted. “Tell that to your brother. I’m inside babysitting my drunken father and he gets an emergency call. Why take the time to go back inside for me?” he said, his voice full of self-loathing. A bottle of scotch sat on the kitchen table.