He sat in his seat long after the others were gone, thinking about the most important things he’d heard here today.
He wasn’t responsible for Max’s alcoholism, nor his recovery. That much he’d known going in. He’d told Nikki the same thing when she’d asked him if he’d read the information she’d given him.
He shouldn’t do things for Max that he could do for himself. In other words, he shouldn’t be paying his rent when his father was an adult capable of holding down a job and earning money to pay the rent himself. If he chose to spend a paycheck on booze instead of necessities, that was his problem, not Kevin’s. Yeah, like he could live with himself if his father got thrown out on the street.
But if he didn’t stop aiding Max, Max’s life would never be separate from his. And if he didn’t get the lousy parts of Max’s life out of his own, he didn’t stand a chance with Nikki.
He glanced up to see the meeting leader standing in front of him.
“Glad to have you here,” he said. “I hope you found us helpful.”
Kevin heard the sound of his baby’s heartbeat echoing inside his head. He saw Nikki’s expectant face. He nodded at the man. “Helpful enough that I’ll be back.”
* * *
“Did you tell Kevin about your meeting at the college? Janine asked.
Nikki folded the last sweater in her brother’s closet and turned to face her sister-in-law. “No.”
“Avoiding?” Janine asked in a teasing tone.
Nikki was grateful she could laugh in the midst of this chore. It made what was to come just a tiny bit easier. “You could say that.”
Janine grinned. “I just did.”
Nikki nodded. “Speaking of avoiding... Remember when we started this a few days ago?” She gestured to the bags and boxes scattered around the room.
“Like I could forget? Why?”
“Well, Kevin came by that day. And I told you he’d been by the station house and wanted to let you know they’d found a box of some of Tony’s personal effects and they’d turn it over to you soon, remember?”
Janine grabbed for a pillow on the bed and hugged it tight against her rounded stomach. “Go on.”
“Well, they’d already done it. But I wanted it to be the last thing you dealt with, not the first. So the bag’s in the living room. Along with his uniform from that night.” She held her breath, waiting for Janine to yell at her for withholding something of Tony’s or for making decisions she had no right to make.
Instead, she exhaled a long breath. “Thank you,” she murmured softly. Her fingers curled tighter around the pillow until they were lost in the feather-like softness.
“So you’re not angry
?”
Janine shook her head. “I’m scared to even see his uniform. Last time I did, he was wearing it. And it was covered in...” Her eyes filled with tears and she swiped at them with the back of her hand.
Nikki’s throat constricted and the pain in her chest was overwhelming. “Listen, we don’t have to open the bag. We can put it aside and you can deal with it back home, or we can just...” She shrugged, unable to even suggest they throw out their last link to Tony.
“No. We’ll go through it.” Janine straightened her shoulders. “I have to do this. It’s... closure, you know? Then I can go home and let the good memories take over.” Tossing the pillow aside, she placed her hand over her stomach.
“You’re sure you can handle this?” Nikki asked.
“Are you?”
She grabbed for Janine’s free hand and clutched it inside of her own. “Hey, I’m as tough as you and don’t ever forget it,” she said, striving for a lightness neither of them felt.
Janine smiled. “Tony was proud of you, you know. If he never said it, it was because he was a big tough guy. But he loved you and he always knew you’d make something of yourself.”
“So instead I got myself knocked up. Good thing he wasn’t around to see it.”
“Only because Kevin’s face would be battered beyond recognition.” Janine laughed. “Tony loved him like a brother, but for laying his hands on his baby sister... Then again, he married you, so all would be forgiven. And Kevin is officially part of the family now.”