“What?" she whispered.
“Disappointed." Of course he'd had to have the reasons spelled out for him, but damned if he wasn't one hundred percent certain they made perfect sense.
Micki blinked. "You wanted Carole's baby to be yours?" she asked in disbelief.
He stepped closer. "I wanted a baby to be mine. I want your baby."
She opened her mouth, then closed it again, obviously at a loss for words.
But he wasn't. He still had plenty more to say. "So don't tell me I don't need you anymore. I do. But I've figured out where your head is at. You're not used to being needed in a non-professional way and that scares you."
"Meaning?" She squeezed the dog closer to her chest and she yelped. Micki loosened her grip.
“Birth order. We're both the spoiled youngest children. You're so used to being taken care of, you don't know how to handle us now. And I'm not a shrink but I'd guess there's something going on with you being one of the guys. It's always been an easy excuse for you to hide from being yourself.”
She shook her head. "What do you know? Like you said, you aren't a shrink."
"Well maybe I should be because I have you pegged right. If you can consider yourself one of the guys, you have a perfect excuse if a relationship fails." He drew a deep breath, realizing how much was on the line right now and how easily he could blow things. "We won't fail, Micki. Unless you don't ever give us a try."
The sun beat down overhead, his heart hammered inside his chest and he broke into a sweat waiting for her to reply.
"It's yourself you need to know better," she tossed back. "As soon as you get over the letdown of building yourself up to be a father, you'll realize how lucky you are to be free. And you'll thank me for not throwing myself into your arms now." Tears flowed profusely down her face and she made no attempt to wipe them away.
He shoved his hands into his front jeans pockets because th
at was the only way he wouldn't reach out for her. "You're dead wrong. I've already looked inside myself and come to terms with my future, so if anyone needs to get to know themselves better, it's you." He started to walk away, then turned back to face her. "And by the way, I won't be thanking you for this anytime soon."
As defeat and loss settled on Damian's shoulders, he wondered if Yank would fare any better with Lola.
ONE WEEK LATER, Damian realized he'd been had. Yank had come home from rehab and begun short days at work. Damian knew because together they were planning his retirement announcement and future plans, but the older man had avoided any talk about his personal life at all.
Damian banged on Yank's office door and walked inside. "You screwed me, old man."
Yank scowled, looking completely affronted by the accusation. "I did no such thing."
Damian cocked his head to one side. "Are you telling me that you did lay your heart on the line for Lola?"
He glanced down. "Not yet."
"Mind telling me what you're waiting for? Because misery loves company and since Micki turned me down, I figure it's your turn. After all, we had a deal."
Yank coughed and looked away. "Did I tell you how good it is to be home?"
Rolling his eyes, Damian sat himself in the chair across from Yank's desk. "You're not overdoing it, are you?". He shook his head. "The girls wouldn't let me."
"How about Lola?"
Yank groaned. "You aren't going to give this up, are you?"
"Nope."
"Micki's a stubborn one," Yank said. "Just like Lola."
"No kidding” Damian couldn't believe he'd bared his soul to the woman he loved and despite her claim that she felt the same way, she'd rejected him anyway. He'd barely slept since that day in the park. "I suppose I deserved the kick in the ass though. I mean all those years of being so arrogant with women. It was my way or no way. Sleep with me, no strings attached and be grateful or take a hike. It never mattered to me." He rose and strode to the window overlooking the city.
"It matters to you now," Yank said, stating the obvious.
Damian nodded. "With retirement looming, what I want out of life seems more important than ever." Every time he said the word retirement, dizziness assaulted him, but he had to admit, he was beginning to accept the inevitable.