The kindest thing he could do for Kendall was to let her go, because if they stayed together, the family rift would
only breed resentment. “I’m not going to force you to choose me or your family. I know what that will do to you. It isn’t fair of me to ask.”
Tears were in her eyes, then dripping down her face. “So instead you’ll take the choice out of my hands? God!” She stomped toward the door. “What did I do in my life that everyone thinks they can make my choices for me?”
He’d followed her to the entryway. “Kendall—”
“No. Lexie, I understand a little why she’s still making my choices for me. She’s had to clean up my messes for years, but you? I thought you respected me more than that.”
“I do. That’s why I have to do this.” But a little voice in his head asked if that was really true. If maybe he was sending her away not as much for her own good as for his.
Because he was the one afraid of being hurt when she walked away, weeks or even months down the road, when the family pressure became too much for her to bear.
She looked at him, hurt and betrayal in her gaze. “You keep telling yourself you did it for me, but it’s a lie and a cop-out. You’re afraid to face them by my side,” she said, her parting shot hitting hard before she grabbed the knob and stormed out, taking his heart with her.
No sooner had Kendall walked out of Julian’s apartment than he headed for the family room, picked up a glass of water he’d had earlier, and threw it against the wall in frustration and pain.
Before Lexie walked in on them at Kendall’s apartment, he’d been living in a bubble, ignoring the outside world, and happy to do it for too damned long.
Had he really thought he could have everything he wanted? When had life ever worked that way for him?
This thing he was building with Kendall, it was real.
And now it was over.
And he only had himself to blame. Kendall had a valid point. One that had begun to creep in the closer she walked to the door.
He was the coward.
He was the one afraid, while she’d been willing to fight for them. By his side.
Julian hadn’t wanted the high of drugs since he’d quit. He hadn’t needed the escape they offered.
Until now.
He hated feeling powerless, and that’s exactly the situation he was in. He’d given up everything he wanted for his future, let go of the woman he loved, and why? To make life easier? Or because he was afraid? Afraid to believe the world could hold good things for him? Afraid to believe he deserved them.
He ran a shaking hand through his hair. He hadn’t thought of himself during all this because blaming her family, giving her what she needed seemed easier than facing his own failings. And Lord knew he had many.
After promising he’d never hurt her again, that was exactly what he’d done. In the name of what was best for her.
But did the reasons really matter? The end result was inevitable at some point in the future anyway. Thanks to Lexie. And Kade. In time Kendall would realize he’d done her a favor. She’d have her family, her twin, her life. And he’d be alone.
Fuck.
He wished he had another glass within reach that he could throw against the damned wall. He didn’t. So instead of more destruction, instead of finding someone like Billy for a fix, he grabbed his keys and headed to a meeting.
Because the only way he had a chance of keeping what was left of his life together was to stay on his current path and stay clean.
Even if he was alone.
* * *
Kendall headed directly home from Julian’s, operating on autopilot, not letting herself think or feel, because if she did, she’d break down in the cab on the way to her apartment. She somehow managed to wait until she was safely inside before she let the pain go.
She leaned back against the door and slid to the floor, crying big, gulping, heaving sobs. She braced her arms on her knees, resting her head and allowing all the feelings she’d held back to surface.
Waffles, who’d come bounding over to greet her, licked her face and her tears with her rough tongue. Kendall was so heartbroken she couldn’t even bring herself to laugh at her dog’s antics. Instead she pulled Waffles close, taking comfort in her soft fur and warm body.