He carefully folds them and places them on top of the rest of his folded clothes. I look at my messy discarded pile for contrast, and he strides into the lake, getting up to his knees before he dives in right beside me.
He’s swimming underwater for a long time, his skin glowing against the dark water, until he pops up farther out into the lake. I swim after him.
“Impressive,” I tell him, treading water.
There’s a wet lock of hair on his forehead, and he shakes it loose.
“What is?” he asks. “My package or my diving skills?”
“Both,” I say, biting my lip as I smile at him.
“I can only explain my diving skills,” he says. “To be a PPO, you have to hold your breath for a long time. As for the other, we’ll just chalk it up to luck.”
“And how are you with treading water while holding on to someone else?” I say to him, swimming closer.
“Just try me,” he says, reaching out underwater and grabbing my waist, pulling me toward him. “I’ll never sink. I’ll always hold you up.”
I wrap my legs around his waist, holding on to his shoulders. “You promise?”
It’s so strange to be with him like this, out in the open sunshine, our bodies wet, his completely naked, his dick pressing against me. I stare at his wet lashes, the drops of water in his arched brows, the warm curve of his smile.
“This is nice,” he says, his voice low.
I lean in and brush my lips against his, then move my head back before he has a chance to kiss me.
“You’re being a tease,” he says. “Might need a spanking for that.”
I laugh, unable to stop the thrill from running through me. “Yes, please.”
He reaches down and grabs my ass, giving it a hearty squeeze. I yelp playfully.
“You know, when I woke up this morning, I didn’t think I’d end up naked in a lake with you,” he comments.
“I guess you never know what to expect with me.”
“That’s true,” he says, almost wistfully. “You really are unlike anyone I’ve ever known.”
“Oh come on,” I say, looking away, my eyes squinting at the sun on the water. “I’m sure you’ve met a few kooky blondes in your day.”
He shakes his head, frowning as he stares at me. “No. There’s been . . . no one.” He takes in a deep breath. “I’ve obviously been with women over the years, but maybe a night here or there. Nothing memorable. Nothing . . . significant. Because I just don’t have the space for them in my life.”
I swallow hard. Oh. Present tense.
He continues. “Piper, I’m going to be honest with you . . .”
Oh no.
“I don’t know how to make this work.”
Oh . . . no.
My face falls. I can’t help it. I feel like letting go and sinking beneath the water.
He holds me tighter, giving strong kicks to keep us afloat, moving us toward the shore until he can touch the bottom. “Please, let me finish, because I am not finished with you.” He puts his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. “I don’t know how to make it work, and that’s true. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. That we won’t try to figure it out together. I’m . . . I just need you to know that no matter what happens, it’s not going to be easy to be with me . . . if you even want to be with me.”
“Of course I do,” I say, my words coming out in a hush.
“Then you have to understand . . . I’m a bloody mess.”
I stare at him for a few seconds, nearly dumbfounded. “A mess? You’re a mess?”
He nods grimly.
“I don’t understand,” I tell him. “You’re the opposite of a mess. You’re stoic and in control and serious. I’m the mess here, with my crazy past and my mother and the pastries that get in my hair and my Tic Tacs. There’s only room for one mess.”
“Then you’ll have to make room for me,” he says. “Just because I am a certain way doesn’t mean that’s not the result of something else.”
“What do you mean?”
He licks his lips and closes his eyes, his expression fraught, like he’s battling with something. “You know I was in the army for all of my twenties, and then some,” he says. “But do you know why I left the army?”
“Because you wanted to work for Eddie.”
“Because I didn’t have much choice. I left the army because of a mistake I made. A mistake that got someone killed. A friend of mine, someone I had taken under my wing, that I was sworn to protect. I injured my leg in the process, couldn’t serve anyway. Was sent home. Eddie knew. Eddie reached out.” He opens his eyes, and they’re brimming with pain. “I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for him. The army gave me the structure I needed. Eddie gave me that same structure after I thought I’d lost it all. I am married to my work, Piper. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, I have sworn to protect them, so that I will never fail again. So when I say I don’t know how to do this with you . . . I don’t. I only know my job. I only know my duty. There’s been no room for anything else.”