Damn. Poor Harrison. It’s painfully obvious now how much his work has overcompensated for the guilt he feels.
I put my hand on his cheek. “You have to make peace with your guilt. You have to find your own forgiveness, your own redemption. You’ll be working for Eddie and Monica until your dying day otherwise, and that’s not much of a life. You still deserve to have one and live one and enjoy it.”
And maybe there’s room for me in it.
“That’s easier said than done.”
“I know it is,” I say imploringly. “You’re suffering from PTSD.”
He looks away, gnawing on his lip.
“It’s true,” I tell him. “I assume that nightmare I caught you having, that it’s not the first one. That you have them a lot. Right?”
His eyes are still focused on the water, on nothing. That says everything.
“You’re reliving it in your dreams because you haven’t dealt with it in real life. And look, I’m no expert. I would never diminish how you feel, and I know that what I’ve gone through with my mother and father is small peanuts compared to what you’ve had to go through. But I have been there. I have learned that the past can hold us and mold us, drown us in its depths. And the person who comes out of that past is a product of everything it was subjected to. But you can get past it, out of it. You can recognize your patterns and behaviors and stop blaming yourself. Just accept it. It sounds like that’s what you’re already doing. You know why you are the way you are, and you want to change it. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Then how come I don’t feel proud?” His voice is grave. It breaks my heart a little.
“Because it takes time. A lot of time. And therapy. Have you been to therapy? I assume that the army must have mandated it.”
He shakes his head. “I said I was fine. I was deemed fine.”
This explains so much. “But you’re admitting you’re not fine, right? I mean, if you don’t think you have room in your life for another person because you’re too devoted to your job, that’s not normal. That’s not fine.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Piper. I don’t want to mess up. You deserve someone better.”
“First of all,” I tell him, adjusting my grip on his shoulders, “you will hurt me and you will mess up. So will I. We’re two messy people with different baggage, but baggage all the same. And second of all, I get to decide who I deserve. I’ve been around, I’ve had my heart broken, my soul crushed, and I’ve walked out of it. Maybe I have some scars, but they remind me of what I do deserve, and what I deserve is you. You’ll have to trust me on this.”
He gazes into my eyes, the blue green of his shimmering like the lake below. He looks . . . awed. “You’re bloody amazing, you know that?”
I shrug, trying to play it off. “Well, I—”
And for the second time, Harrison cuts me off with a kiss.
Like the first time, I accept my silence willingly.
His hand tightens around me, gripping me close as his mouth presses hungrily against mine, all fire and need and desire. I’m both floating in the water and grounded by him, my legs wrapping around tighter.
I’ve needed this.
I’ve needed him.
His lips drop down to my neck, sucking at my skin, while I hold him to me, my hands disappearing into his hair, then grabbing his shoulder, then coasting down the hard, muscled plane of his back.
While he nips at my neck, a mix of pleasure and pain, I throw my head back and open my eyes to the blue, blue sky above. I think I see a plane, or maybe it’s that I feel so free, it’s like I’m flying, especially as Harrison takes his hand and lowers it down until his fingers are wrapping around the hem of my bottoms.
He pulls it to the side, taking a moment to adjust himself before he pushes himself inside.
I gasp, my voice carrying across the water, feeling every inch of him.
“Is this okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse with lust yet gentle and concerned. Always the gentleman.
I nod, making a groaning sound as my body adjusts to his, taking in a deep breath until he pushes in to the hilt.
I hold him tighter between my legs as he takes a commanding stance in the water, and he starts pumping himself in and out, slowly at first, making sure I feel every blissful drag of him.
I can’t believe this is happening. I know I keep thinking that, and the more that I think that, the less I feel it’s real. But here we are in this beautiful lake, and Harrison is deep inside me, grunts and rough little noises escaping his lips as he works at me.