It didn’t.
Oh, she saw James in the crowd. He was being as watchful as ever, scanning the crowded chapel for threats and protecting her until the last. But his face was like stone and he showed no emotion whatsoever as he watched Rissa plight her troth to the sleekly handsome Lord Shammington and vow to love, honor, and obey him in all things from this day hence. In short, he acted like the robot he was reputed to be, with no feelings at all—only cold logic.
Rissa went through the wedding feeling like a robot herself, mouthing all the necessary words and making all the necessary motions, but feeling nothing for the man she was marrying. Even her Heat Cycle, rising with the stress of the occasion, couldn’t make her feel anything. In fact, she almost wished she could burst into flames right there at the altar, so that everything would just be over.
Other than her Heat Cycle, the only thing she was aware of was the dull, throbbing pain between her legs. Lady Mildew had forced an even bigger plug inside her that morning, saying that it would “get her ready for her wedding night.” The pain of the Chastity Device’s dull blades digging into her inner channel was intense, but it was nothing to the pain in her heart.
Rissa bore both agonies with a smile plastered on her face. She had been taught from an early age that Royalty never showed pain or unhappiness to the outside world. She must always look brave and strong and happy and set an example for the Court and, indeed, for all her subjects among the commoners as well.
The Royal wedding was being broadcast into every home on Regalia Five and the streets were thronged with adoring crowds, shouting their admiration and love. The noise was so loud, it could be heard like a dull roar outside the chapel, though the palace grounds were vast and no commoners were allowed inside the perimeter.
Rissa held her head high, aware that her image was being captured for all the world to see. No matter how much she might be hurting, inside and out, this was not the time for her private grief.
So she kept it inside and tried to ignore the way that James simply watched, his face impassive, as she was married to another man.
48
“Commander Sylvan, I have failed you.”
The words seemed to burst out of James, the moment he saw his Commanding Officer again. He had barely been back aboard the Mother Ship for five standard minutes, and the other male had come to meet him at his return. But the moment Sylvan congratulated him on a job well done and offered his arm for a warrior’s clasp, the words—no, it was more of a confession, James admitted to himself—simply came out.
“What? How?” Commander Sylvan looked startled. They were still clasping arms and he leaned forward, looking James in the face, as though searching for something. “J-8,” he said, using James’s old designation. “Are you…having emotions?”
James took a deep breath.
“I am,” he admitted. “And I have been having them since before I went on the mission you assigned me on Regalia Five. And these emotions are what caused me to fail in my mission.”
Sylvan shook his head.
“I don’t understand. I received word from the Steward of Regalia Five that you had fulfilled your duties and that you were coming home to us.” He frowned. “Of course, I did think the message was worded a bit curtly, but I put it down to language differences and possible translation problems.”
“There were no translation problems,” James said. “The Steward is displeased with me because of my failure to contain my emotions.”
Sylvan frowned.
“Perhaps we’d better continue this debriefing in my office. Come, J-8—let’s go.”
“…and that is how I failed in my mission,” James finished, sometime later as he sat in the seat across from Commander Sylvan’s desk, exactly where everything had started, just over a solar month before. “I allowed myself to have feelings for Princess Ka’rissa and when she began having similar feelings for me, I encouraged them. I…I let myself love her and she loved me in return,” he finished hoarsely.
“I see,” Commander Sylvan said. “This is…not exactly what I was expecting when I assigned you to this mission, J-8.”
“I know, Commander. You chose me because I had no emotions and I betrayed you by allowing myself to have them after all.” James put his head in his hands, unable to meet the other male’s eyes any longer. “I will understand if you wish to sanction me, or even remove me from the Elite Espionage Corps. I would richly deserve any punishment you decide to give me.”
“I don’t know about that.” Sylvan’s voice was surprisingly gentle. “It seems to me you’re doing a pretty good job of punishing yourself already.”