Sideways Stories from Wayside School (Wayside School 1)

“I don’t know,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Do monkeys know that they are monkeys?”

“I don’t know,” said Allison. “I’m not a monkey.”

“No, I suppose you’re not,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Okay, in that case, we have a lot of work to do – reading, writing, subtraction, addition, spelling. Everybody take out a piece of paper. We will have a test now.”

Jason tapped Todd on the shoulder. He said, “Do you want to know something? I liked it better when she thought we were monkeys.”

“I know,” said Todd. “I guess now it means she won’t bring me a banana.”

“There will be no talking in class,” said Mrs. Jewls. She wrote Todd’s name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.

? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?

3

Joe

Joe had curly hair. But he didn’t know how much hair he had. He couldn’t count that high. In fact, he couldn’t count at all.

When all of the other children went to recess, Mrs. Jewls told Joe to wait inside. “Joe,” she said. “How much hair do you have?”

Joe shrugged his shoulders. “A lot,” he answered.

“But how much, Joe?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

“Enough to cover my head,” Joe answered.

“Joe, you are going to have to learn how to count,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“But, Mrs. Jewls, I already know how to count,” said Joe. “Let me go to recess.”

“First count to ten,” said Mrs. Jewls.

Joe counted to ten: “six, eight, twelve, one, five, two, seven, eleven, three, ten.”

“No, Joe, that is wrong,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“No, it isn’t,” said Joe. “I counted until I got to ten.”

“But you were wrong,” said Mrs. Jewls. “I’ll prove it to you.” She put five pencils on his desk. “How many pencils do we have here, Joe?”

Joe counted the pencils. “Four, six, one, nine, five. There are five pencils, Mrs. Jewls.”

“That’s wrong,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“How many pencils are there?” Joe asked.

“Five,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“That’s what I said,” said Joe. “May I go to recess now?”

“No,” said Mrs. Jewls. “You got the right answer, but you counted the wrong way. You were just lucky.” She set eight potatoes on his desk. “How many potatoes, Joe?”

Joe counted the potatoes. “Seven, five, three, one, two, four, six, eight. There are eight potatoes, Mrs. Jewls.”

“No, there are eight,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“But that’s what I said,” said Joe. “May I go to recess now?”