Sideways Stories from Wayside School (Wayside School 1)

“Yes,” said Louis.

“Well, it better be good,” Bebe warned.

“It better be better than the Tuna Surprise,” said “Butterfingers.”

“I thought the Tuna Surprise was good,” said Louis.

“You’d eat dirt if they put enough ketchup on it,” said Mac.

“Hey, everybody, be quiet,” said Todd. “Let him tell the story.”

“Not too loud, Louis,” said Sharie. “I’m trying to get some sleep.”

Louis sat in the middle of the room, and all the children gathered around.

Louis began his story. “This is a story about a school very much like this one. But before we get started, there is something you ought to know so that you don’t get confused. In this school every classroom is on the same story.”

“Which one, the eighteenth?” asked Jenny.

“No, said Louis. “They are all on the ground. The school is only one story high.”

“Not much of a school,” laughed Dameon.

Louis continued. “Now you might think the children there are strange and silly. That is probably true. However, when I told them stories about you, they thought that you were strange and silly.”

“US?” the children answered. “How are we strange?”

“I’m normal,” said Stephen. “Aren’t I?”

“As normal as I am,” Joe assured him.

“The children at that school must be crazy,” said Leslie.

“Real lulus,” Maurecia agreed.

“Tell us about them, Louis,” Bebe demanded.

“For one thing,” Louis said, “none of these children has ever been turned into an apple.”

“That’s silly,” said Deedee. “Everybody’s been turned into an apple. It’s part of growing up.”

Louis continued. “Dead rats don’t walk into classrooms wearing raincoats.”

“What do they wear, tuxedos?” asked Todd.

“And girls never try to sell their toes,” Louis added.

“Well, no wonder,” said Leslie, “at today’s prices.”

Louis continued. “They don’t trade names or read upside down. They can’t turn mosquito bites into numbers. They don’t count the hairs on their heads. The walls don’t laugh, and two plus two always equals four.”

“How horrible,” said Dameon.

“That’s not the worst of it,” said Louis. “They have never tasted Maurecia-flavored ice cream.”

A hush fell over the classroom.

“Mrs. Jewls, I’m scared,” said Allison. “Is there really a school like that?”