Still With Me

“Why you looking at me like that?” the man asked in a hoarse drawl.

Jeremy said nothing. He hadn’t considered this problem during the brief and buoyant moments when he’d developed the plan that led him here. The satisfaction he’d felt when he initially woke up dissolved into utter discouragement.

“I’m talking to you,” the man grunted.

Despite the menacing tone, Jeremy remained immersed in his most recent thoughts: What year was this? What had he done? What had happened to Victoria and the kids? What outlandish scenario waited for him this time? It was only the setting that for the first time didn’t surprise him.

The man got up suddenly, and Jeremy thought that he was about to pounce on him. But instead, he headed for the door and placed his tray on the shelf that was attached to it.

“Shit, man. Fuck you. You’re a weird fucking dude. They’re right. You’re unhinged. You’re not like anybody else. Look at your plate. We’re all starving to death; we’d kill for bread and butter, and you don’t touch your food. You sleep like you’re on a vacation at the beach, grinning like a fucking idiot.”

Jeremy sat up, looked at his breakfast, and felt a familiar hunger pierce his stomach. He got up, gaining the sink in a single step, and washed his face and hands. He looked for a mirror, but there was none. He sat back down to eat. The man was lying on his bed, arms behind his head, observing Jeremy coolly. The coffee was cold, but Jeremy drank it with satisfaction. He ate the two slices of bread, too thin to satisfy his appetite. He thought while he chewed. How could he continue his investigation when he was locked up in this cell? He only had a few hours. Not that he thought he’d be able to solve anything, but he hoped at least to find a kernel of meaning that would finally start the healing process, to justify his behavior to Victoria and maybe, maybe…

Jeremy was like a death row inmate: resigned to the power of the machine bent on killing him but still hopeful for divine intervention. He still had a few leads to follow, a few moves left. And he had to find some way, even here, of giving it his all.

“So what’s the program?” the man asked.

Jeremy had all but forgotten him. What could he say? He had to stall, make this man reveal his intentions.

“In your opinion?” Jeremy ventured.

“In my opinion? Since when do you ask for my opinion?” the man retorted, sitting up on his elbow. “I’m not the one who thinks around here. But if you want my opinion, we have to get it over with.”

The man had spoken with conviction. Jeremy frowned. He didn’t even want to consider the meaning of the declaration. He needed more information.

“And how do you see things?”

“How do I see things?” the man repeated, surprised to be questioned further. “You want to make sure I learned the lesson? Okay, well, we’re going to the gym and we’re gonna get him, but in a way that makes it look like an accident. I’m going to arrange to have a hundred-fifty-pound barbell fall on his throat. One hundred and fifty pounds! To put him in the ground!” he added, laughing.

The man glanced at Jeremy to see if he appreciated his humor. Horrified by what his cellmate had said and caught off guard, Jeremy feigned an awkward laugh. He suspected the man was not the type to permit even the least denial of friendship.

In prison and an accomplice to murder! What madness! This guy is crazy. But thank God, he seems to respect me. He might even be afraid of me. It’s the only good news so far. That means the other Jeremy figured out how to make a place for himself here—in this cell, at least. Since it seems like in this prison he has enemies, one of which he hopes to kill. Incredible!

Jeremy tried a new tack. “Listen, I don’t know. Maybe we should find another way. I have my doubts.”

The man jerked up into a seated position on his bed, menacingly. Jeremy was impressed by the feline suppleness this mass of muscle and fat achieved.

“What? What do you mean, you don’t know? You want them to come for you? Because that’s what’ll happen, man. You got yourself caught with his family’s dope, remember? And it was a major stash. And you clocked Stako’s brother. You have your doubts? These guys, they don’t doubt anything. They’re going to fuck you, no question. What’s this pansy-ass bullshit? I respect you because you’re the hardest, most determined motherfucker who got busted and who’s rotting in this pit. So don’t disappoint me.”

The man had risen to his feet and was pacing across the cell, fists clenched, muscles bulging, eyes locked on Jeremy. Anger made him terrifying. Jeremy had to respect the intelligence of his double for figuring out how to ally himself with such an imposing man. He also realized he needed to try to adopt the mannerisms of the person he was supposed to be.

Jeremy remained seated, eyes fixed on his disciple, clenching his teeth as a way to give his voice an edge. “Don’t talk to me in that tone. It’s not a question of letting the matter drop. We’re going to get the fucker. What I don’t know is when and how. I have to think about it. There may be other ways.”

Jeremy was surprised by his own performance. The urgency and danger of the situation made him throw himself wholeheartedly into the act.

“For example?” the giant asked in a more conciliatory tone.

“I don’t know yet. I told you; I need to think.”

“Okay…” The man seemed suspicious.

“Are you questioning me?” Jeremy asked. His voice was firm, his threat clear.

“No…I mean…I’m thinking about what you said yesterday…”

“What does that mean?”

“I mean, you told me that on your birthday, you could act funny. I had to watch you and…” The man stopped talking and looked at Jeremy as if he’d noticed him for the first time in his cell. “Why don’t you remember what you told me yesterday?”