"Okay, one," Sofia says and then looks over at me, and she has the same smirk her father has. I am such an idiot, I think to myself. How could I think he wouldn’t see it? How could I have thought that coming back here was a good idea?
"Come and sit, Uncle Reed," Sofia says. “I can read," she tells him, getting on her chair and sitting on her knees. “See this, it’s Green Eggs and Ham." She holds up the orange book, and Reed sits down next to her. I walk over and put two cookies on a plate and then bring it over to them. “I get to pick first," Sofia says. “Because I’m smaller."
Reed laughs at her now. “Those are the rules,” he says, smiling at her, and she picks up her cookie.
"This one is bigger." She takes a bite. “Yummy."
The timer on the stove dings, and I walk over and take the pasta off the stove, straining it in the colander, “Did you eat?" I ask, not looking at him.
"No. I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t even think about the time."
"Uncle Reed," Sofia says. “Did your ears ring today?" she asks him, and I close my eyes as I listen to the next part. “I was thinking about you." One tear comes out now and rolls down my cheek.
"Did you?" he says, and I can just imagine how that must feel for him.
"Yeah. And your horse,” she says, making him laugh.
"If your momma says it’s okay, maybe we can go for a ride tomorrow,” he says, and I hear her gasp out.
I turn and walk over to put the pasta in the saucepan, mixing it. "Momma.
"Can we?" she asks, and my eyes never leave the pan in front of me.
"We’ll see,” I say, grabbing a plastic plate for her. I turn to get a fork and knife to cut it.
"Can I help?" Reed pushes away from the table, and I can feel him beside me. “I can cut that for her."
"Yeah, sure,” I say, not sure how I feel about him stepping up. This is what you wanted, my head screams. This is what you hoped for the whole time. I place some pasta on a plate and then fill Reed’s with more than mine. I carry them to the table, my hands shaking a bit. It’s a good thing I set the table for us before he got here. I walk back to grab another pair of utensils while he finishes cutting her pasta. He brings it to the table and places it in front of her.
"It’s still hot,” he tells her. “So you need to blow." I sit down, facing Reed as he sits.
"Don’t eat," Sofia says. “We have to say grace." She turns her hand over for his and then the other one for me. I put my hand in hers, and Reed reaches across the table for mine. My hand slowly reaches across the table, his hand facing up. His hand is warm to my cold one. "Dear God,” Sofia starts, and I look over and see that her eyes are closed. My eyes go to Reed’s as he just stares at me. "Thank you for the cookies and the food,” she says. “And for Uncle Reed and his horse." Reed chuckles while the emotions get the better of me. “Amen."
"Amen," I say before I get up. “Excuse me,” I say, rushing up the stairs and to the bathroom.
I close the door and put my hand to my mouth. The sob comes out as quiet as I can, my back against the door as I slide down to my ass. I wipe away the tears that come right after the other, and the soft knock on the door makes me stop.
"Hazel." I hear his voice softly. “Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I’ll be right down,” I say, getting up now, listening to hear him walk away. I get up, making my way over to the sink and opening the water. Rinsing off my face, I grab the towel and dab the water off.
Opening the door, I’m not expecting him to be there waiting for me, leaning against the wall with his ankles crossed. "Oh," I say out loud and stop in my tracks. "I thought."
"What’s wrong?" he asks softly and looks down the stairs to make sure that Sofia isn’t coming up.
"Nothing," I tell him, looking down. “I’m fine."
"You aren’t fine,” he says. “It might have been six years ago"—he stops and swallows—“but I know you."
"That was a long time ago,” I say, my knees feeling like they’re going to buckle when I look up at him and see his eyes. His eyes always felt like he could see into my soul, and that never went away. The same look he used to give me as we spent all those nights talking in the barn. I knew as time went on that I was slowly falling in love with him. I knew it was stupid and would only lead to me being heartbroken when he went away, yet I did it anyway.