“Did you leave him, Ash?” I asked. I hated that it was a topic that needed discussing, but I needed to know where we stood.
Ash nodded. “It was always the plan, Aiden. Even when you… when you came to find me. I just had to figure out how to make it work.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him why he hadn’t asked me for help, but he spoke before I could.
“I didn’t mean any of those things I said to you. I knew Billy was coming back and I was terrified of what would happen if he found you there. And I was so ashamed…”
“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, Ash. It wasn’t your fault.”
He didn’t respond to the remark, but I could practically see the need to argue in his eyes. Instead, he said, “I just needed you gone, Aiden, so I said all those terrible things. But none of it was true. I loved our dates, and I started looking forward to seeing you every morning, and then you kissed me… I was just… I started to want things I couldn’t want.”
Even though his initial words warmed me, his final statement had nerves skittering through my belly. “Why can’t you want this?” I asked as I settled my hand over the fingers he was resting on my arm. “I would never hurt you, Ash. Never in a million years.”
He dropped his eyes again. “It’s not that simple,” he whispered. When I went to respond, he put his fingers over my mouth. “Can you just trust me when I tell you that I need to do this on my own?”
I had no idea what this was, and I really didn’t want to find out because even now, cold was beginning to seep into my bones. I couldn’t lose him again. Not now, after I’d finally gotten him back. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him so, but the fear of sending him running had me forcing the words back down. “What happened after you left him?”
“Emily gave me my job back. I kept waiting for you to come back so I could tell you how sorry I was—”
Ash’s throat clogged, so I reached up to stroke my fingers over his cheek. “I believe you didn’t mean what you said, Ash. We’re okay, I promise.”
My words seemed to help relax him a little.
“Where have you been staying?”
The fact that he shifted his eyes from mine was answer enough. So when he said, “Around,” I clasped my hand around the back of his neck to force him to look at me.
“Where have you been staying?” I repeated.
“The bus station a couple of nights. Last night, I closed the coffee shop, so I, um… I slept on the couch in the break room.”
Admittedly, it was hard to suppress the anger and fear raging through me. I highly doubted Emily would have let Ash sleep at the coffee shop instead of insisting he go home with her, which meant she likely didn’t know. And while he might have been somewhat safe at the coffee shop, he sure as shit wouldn’t have been at the bus station.
“I didn’t want to waste my money on a hotel room,” Ash blurted. “I’m trying to save up for an apartment, so it didn’t make sense to spend money on a room—”
Ash’s words dropped off when I sat up. He managed to keep his eyes on me as I turned so I was facing him. The fact that he didn’t look away had me feeling ridiculously proud of him and relieved that he didn’t appear to be afraid of me.
“I get it, Ash. I do,” I said. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him it was okay for him to ask for help, but I stemmed the comment and considered my words carefully. “Did you mean what you said?” I asked. At his look of confusion, I added, “At the Conservatory… about taking care of each other?”
He nodded.
“But I didn’t mean—”
I cut him off with a gentle kiss. I was tempted to take him up on his silent offer to continue the kiss when he leaned into me, but I managed to force myself to break it and lean back a little. “I can’t know you’re out there, Ash.” I motioned over my shoulder toward the window, which had an amazing view of the city skyline as well as Central Park. “I can’t know you’re out there alone and sleeping in a fucking bus station or the damned coffee shop…” I quelled my building frustration and dropped my eyes. “Ash, would you please, please come stay with me for a while? Even if it’s just till you get on your feet.”
Desperation had me adding, “I have an extra bedroom. There wouldn’t be any… any strings.”