I dared to look up at him and saw that he was the one now looking out the window. He was silent for so long that I was sure he was trying to figure out a way to let me down. His eyes met mine. “It can’t be about you paying for everything, Aiden.”
I was about to respond when he put up his hand, and I remembered his earlier comment about trusting him that he needed to do things on his own.
“If we do this, I pay my own way. That means I pay rent and my share of the utilities and food.”
I began shaking my head because I knew it wouldn’t work. “Ash, you don’t need to do that. The rent alone is—”
“I know,” he cut in. “I wouldn’t be able to pay half the rent. But I can pay what I’d be paying if I had my own place… someplace small, outside the city.”
“I don’t need the money—”
“It isn’t about that, Aiden,” he interjected. “It’s about me finally paying my way for the first time in a long time. When I said I wanted us to take care of each other, I meant in other ways.”
Pressure built in my chest as I realized this was an argument I wouldn’t win.
I wasn’t going to even try because the stakes were too high. I would literally do anything to keep him here with me where I knew he’d be safe. “Okay,” I said with a nod. “Whatever you want.”
“Thank you,” Ash said as he forced my head up so he could look at me. “Thank you,” he repeated, and I knew he was thanking me for something besides the roof over his head.
I managed a nod, but that was it.
It was killing me not to be able to just fix things for him. To take away that pressure of having to worry about money and a place to live. I wanted him to be the Ash I’d only gotten glimpses of during our few dates and outings. I wasn’t so sure he could be that person if he was stressing about trying to make ends meet while dealing with the emotional fallout from leaving such a turbulent relationship.
“Aiden, I know… I know we kind of started something,” Ash murmured. “But things are too complicated. I think it would be best if we just focused on being friends right now.”
I’d suspected as much, but it was still a tough pill to swallow. It had me kind of wishing I hadn’t gotten a taste of Ash, because now that I had, all I wanted was more. But keeping him safe was more important than giving in to my need to be able to touch him, or to lose myself in his body, or to be able to show the world I’d finally gotten something right to have ended up with such an amazing guy on my arm.
“Okay,” I agreed. “Whatever you need, Ash.”
“Thank you, Aiden,” Ash murmured as he leaned in to press his forehead against mine. “Thank you,” he whispered again and then his lips brushed my cheek.
I wanted so badly to tell him I was the one who should be thanking him, but I found it difficult to find my voice at all, so I just nodded and then wrapped my arms around him.
Ash was here.
He was staying.
He’d be safe.
Nothing else mattered.
Getting Ash settled in my place took less time than it had taken to have the discussion about him moving in.
It had turned out that I’d slept for almost twelve hours straight, so it had been bedtime when I’d woken up. Although I’d still been physically exhausted, I’d known that I wouldn’t be able to rest until I had Ash under my roof. So I’d accompanied him to the coffee shop to get his guitar and duffel bag, and then we’d grabbed a bite to eat at a pizzeria on the way home. I’d barely managed to refrain from saying anything when Ash had handed me some money to cover his half of the meal. Once we’d arrived back at my place, I’d called Bennett to let him know I was okay while Ash had gotten settled in his room. I’d also called my brother to let him know I’d be back at work the following day, but he’d told me if I so much as even answered a work-related email for the rest of the week, he’d flood my phone and email with so many Jar Jar Binks gifs and memes that the next installment of Star Wars would be in theaters before I managed to delete all that sacrilege off my phone. Admittedly, I’d been too exhausted to fight with him about taking the rest of the week off.
But just because I’d been exhausted hadn’t meant I’d slept any better over the week that followed.