“Fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Our parents think they live in the eighteenth century, and have plotted for me to marry Evie practically since birth. But—" I held up my hand to stop her from interrupting again. “Evie and I don’t want to get married. We’re friends. That’s it. We’ve spent the last five or six years—”
“So, the last time we were together you were engaged to her.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Serena, are you listening to me? We’re not engaged. Neither Evie nor I want to get married. I met with her at the party because even after five years being gone, our parents are still trying to arrange a marriage that we don’t want, and we’re trying to figure out how to make them stop.”
She studied me with hard eyes and I got the sense she didn’t believe me. “Why not?”
“Why not what?”
“Why don’t you want to marry her?”
“I don’t love her. Evie and I have been friends forever but that’s it. Neither of us has been attracted to the other. Ever,” I explained in case she wondered about my history with Evie. “To be honest, I’d nearly forgotten about this betrothal during my time away. But once I got back to New York, my mother was all over me about it. She’s threatened to disinherit me—” I stopped because there was no reason for Serena to know that.
“Oh well, I can’t imagine you’d be able to survive without your bazillions of dollars so you’ll have to marry her.”
The anger dissipated and instead was replaced by sadness, hurt, and an acceptance that Serena wasn’t the woman she’d been before. My trying to find the joy and happiness we had before was unrealistic.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m competent. I’ll do just fine if they disinherit me for not marrying Evie, because whatever happens here, between you and me, won’t change the fact that I’m not marrying her. Ever.”
She looked down, her finger running mindlessly over a paper on her desk. I was dying to know what was running through her head.
“Be honest with me, Serena. If you hadn’t thought I was engaged, would you have shown up at the bed and breakfast after my parents’ party?”
She swallowed, and I could see she didn’t want to answer.
It was time to stop pushing her hoping she’d be open to me. “Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter now. The fact that you think I’m capable of lying and cheating says a lot.”
Her eyes snapped up, and heat flashed in them. “I’m not the bad guy.”
I laughed. “You accusing me of something I didn’t do makes me the bad guy? I can’t seem to win.” I sucked in a deep breath and readied myself to walk out; to walk away from Serena forever. “I’m a fucking pussy. Do you know how much I thought about you the five years I was gone? How much time I’ve wasted over the last several weeks trying to figure out how to reach you?”
Her breath hitched.
“Why?” I shrugged. “For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ve been trying so hard when from the start you were clear you didn’t want to be around me. Ah sure, I’m a good fuck in private where no one could know, but for some reason I’m not good enough.” I shook my head. “It’s quite humbling.” I held a hand up before she could speak. “Don’t tell me I’ll get over it. I know you want to. I get now what sort of man you think I am.” Why was I still there? The longer I stayed, the bigger putz I became. To save my pride, I turned and started to the door.
“Devin.” She reached the door before I could open it. I saw regret in her eyes along with something else. It was that something else that kept getting in our way.
“What else was I supposed to think?” she asked.
I rested my palm against the door as I looked into her blue eyes. “Oh, I don’t know…maybe you could trust me. At the very least you could ask me. Or tell me off that night. I should have known when you ran off that it was over. Running away without a word is your M.O.”
She looked down again. At least she seemed to feel some shame over her behavior.
“Look just tell me you don’t want to be with me. Believe it or not, it’s not the first time I’ve heard it,” I said.
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it, Serena, because I’m tired of feeling like a sad sap.”
“Your family—”
“Leave them out of this. What they want or think doesn’t matter. Not to me.”
“But your family legacy—”
“Fuck it. It’s not worth it to me to live their life just for money. They know it too. I told them I could walk away. If I have to marry Evie to stay in the family, then I’m leaving it. If they don’t like how I live my life, then I’ll walk away.” I shrugged because I couldn’t figure out what to say or do to make her see. “Five years ago, I met a woman who inspired me to live my life. At the time I hadn’t been brave or confident enough to tell my parents I wasn’t going to Europe so I could stay with her. Five years later I am. Unfortunately for me, that woman doesn’t want to be with me.”