I glanced at Devin, who had resentment toward me in his eyes. I couldn’t blame him. Andrew was nervous about being with his own father. That was my fault.
“Then you tell Devin—ah…your dad, and he’ll help you.”
Andrew snuggled closer to me as he looked up at Devin. “Are you going to live with us now? Mommies and daddies live together.”
My heart stuttered in my chest as that dream fluttered away.
“Not all mommies and daddies live together,” I somehow managed. “Some of them have two homes. And Devin…your dad has a mommy and daddy, and a sister.”
“Are they nice?”
I looked away because I was terrified that they wouldn’t be.
“I’ll make sure they are,” Devin said.
Andrew shrugged. “Okay.”
“I know you’ll have fun,” I said. “Why don’t you go in the kitchen with Grandma and Grandpa, so Devin and I can finish our talk.”
“’kay.” Andrew started past me. When he got to Devin he stopped. “Do you like to play Go Fish?”
Devin smiled. “I haven’t played in a long time.”
“I’ll show you how. I’m good at it.”
“I bet you are.”
Andrew reached out and hugged Devin. Devin buried his face against Andrew. It was beautiful to see, even as it made me feel worse.
Andrew ran off to the kitchen. The minute he was out of the room, Devin jumped up and moved away, like he couldn’t put distance between us fast enough.
“I’m sorry, Devin.” The words were so inadequate, and yet I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I desperately wanted to find the words that would allow him to forgive me, but those words didn’t exist.
He held his hand up. “Don’t. Your words are worthless.”
I nodded. His words were like a knife to my heart. He paced for a moment. “When can I come get him tomorrow?”
“I can bring him to your place. Nine or so?”
He looked at me with such pain and loathing, I wanted to shrivel and disappear.
“You still don’t think I can—”
I shook my head. “It’s not a reflection of you. I think it would be an easier transition for Andrew if I bring him to you. That’s all.”
He gave a curt nod. “Fine. My parents’ house. Nine tomorrow.”
“Yes. Okay.”
He stared at me for a moment. “I thought I knew you.”
My lips quivered and tears streamed down my face. “I’m sorry. I really am.” I looked down as the shame became too difficult to bear.
“Why? Jesus…why Serena?”
The pain in his voice had me breaking.
“At first I was afraid. I knew I needed to tell you, but the longer time went the harder it was.”